Matthew
8:20
88 At the time, my experience with the doves was the highlight of my life [n66],
and I seriously questioned what was left to do. But it was only the war which was won—indeed, I had established
an outlook or objective in life (10) [n4:95; n8:10]—while
the next ten years [n4:106] proved an equal challenge (01). And as
The Odyssey concerns the ten years
Odysseus wandered before returning home, it seems suitable that these next
ten years correspond to something similar. And they do! "The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of
man hath not where to rest his head."
Matthew
8:20
89 And here I've chronicled my residences—which were many—for they best express my wanderings before returning home: i.e., back to myself. There's also a similarity to the fourteen Gerarai [n4:1] and The Church [n1:7], for which reason I've included my first two residences, in Sunnyvale [n43] and Los Altos [n66-87]. And, as they correspond to the number 12, it shows The Church proceeding from the two. Similarly, I focus mainly on the first twelve residences, up until 1987, although I give highlights from the others. Indeed by late 1991, 20 years since I left San Jose, I considered 40 places or states my residence: where the number 40 corresponds to The Church—or, Judith (12) [n4:109].
90 And, since it pertains to The Church, I've drawn a correlation to the Seven Churches of Asia— Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamos, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia and Laodicea—[n1:5; n12:1-3], along with related elements of Gerarai. I've also noticed a similar theme to the Ten Commandments, where my first ten residences portray a correspondent temptation. It seems I was there for that purpose, to overcome each temptation or, I was in danger of it overcoming me. This will be explored in the first ten residences.
91 But before I begin, I'd like to mention Athena, the goddess of wisdom [n14:8]. For through all his trials, she was the intermediary on Odysseus' behalf. And as she stood for what was fair and just, it must speak of the qualities of her favorite hero. Similarly, throughout my ordeal in the second half, this was the first and foremost thing on my mind—what was fair and just. When I realized this more recently, well after I began this chapter, I knew I had a close affinity to her. Thus when I bring up other people and their flaws, not just here but throughout the book, my intent is to portray a sense of balance and add some depth to what actually happened, not slander anyone. For which reason I portray my own personal flaws, more so in the first half, and show what I've done to resolve them. Indeed, there appears to be an archetypal pattern to it all! [n1:1].
92 With this in mind, I'd like to relate an experience that happened after my experience with the doves, which tends to concur with what happened after Odysseus set sail for home. It concerns the second place he landed, the land of the Cyclopes, where he was held captive by the Cyclops Polyphemus. And as its story stands out most in my mind, it seems an appropriate place to begin and, it best corroborates my story. It was in the summer or fall of 1981, that I read an ad in the Iconoclast Magazine, a publication of the FHU [n113,146,176,219]. It was someone looking for a roommate, while it spoke of fruit trees and plenty of room for a garden. It was the first time I inquired about a roommate. And when Odysseus landed, the island was described as fertile and well-wooded, which seems a similar description.
93 So I called the number and arranged to meet this person. A strapping young man, in his early twenties, he was a giant compared to me; as Polyphemus was the giant son of Poseidon. And his name was such that I wondered why his parents chose it, for it drew unwarranted attention to himself, implying arrogance and self-fame. It was a title for European royalty. Indeed this was the very thing that struck me, that he was full of himself and, famous in his own eyes. And so I'm describing the monster of pride, a gigantic creature, which sees through only one eye or, dimension—its pride. Thus when looking up the name Polyphemus, I was surprised to find what it means—the famous.
94 We met at his house, which is significant for it reminded me of a dungeon—or cave. Even as Polyphemus dwelt in a cave. This is when I began to feel leery. While it was an older house, at least 40 years old, which he inherited from his grandmother. We then decided to go camping that weekend, for it was something we both enjoyed and it was a good way to get to know each other. Thus we spent two days in the woods, which is how long Polyphemus held Odysseus, and I was starting to feel trapped: he continued to draw attention to himself and began to exert his dominance. I was afraid that if it continued, he would take me for everything I had, i.e., consume my substance, even as Polyphemus devoured six of Odysseus' crew. It felt like I was caught in a spider's lair, a tarantula? and I knew I had to find a way out.
95 When
Polyphemus asked his name,
Odysseus replied, "Oudeis, for short," which means "nobody." Thus it's
significant that I went along submissively at first, feeling I didn't have the strength to counteract him. While in effect I was
saying, "Don't mind me, I'm Nobody." Yet I needed to let him know it couldn't continue—and, it was critical that he
acknowledge it. This was also Odysseus' predicament, who had to refrain from exacting revenge, for only Polyphemus could move the
huge stone at the cave's entrance. And I'm reminded of the movie,
My Name is Nobody
[n6:42;
].
One of the funniest movies I'd ever seen, I identified with it so much, that I ascribed the name to myself; and, it portrays my relationship with
Roy Masters. And being alone in the world, yet with a vibrancy and
quality few others possessed, this was who I portrayed: "Hey don't mind me, I'm here of little or no consequence!"
96 Now I'm actually speaking of what it's like at work, for this is where I primarily meet people. Thus it's funny that on the day I wrote this, I went to work, I was working swing-shift, and asked two of the people there: "Who do you think I am? So and so?" The person speaking to me sounded like he was talking to someone else. And he said, "No Dennis, you're nobody!" And the other said, "Yeah that's right, you're the nowhere man!" Apparently they'd just listened to the song, The Nowhere Man, by The Beatles on their tape player. Now I'd already forgotten about it by that time and, it was the first time anybody really said this outright. How strange?
97 After Polyphemus fell asleep the second night, after Odysseus got him drunk, Odysseus fashioned a stake out of olive-wood and drove it into his eye. And Polyphemus gave out such a yell, that it startled all of his neighbors, who came clamoring over. But, when he said it was "Nobody's fault," they all left. Come morning, when Polyphemus let his sheep out, Odysseus and his remaining crew had strapped themselves under some rams, and were let out with the flock. Once freed, and upon departing Odysseus shouted, "Should anybody ask who blinded you, tell them it was Odysseus of Ithaca!" After hurling boulders at the ship, Polyphemus prayed aloud to Poseidon, asking for vengeance and Poseidon consented. And so Odysseus had offended Poseidon, who wouldn't allow his return home, and wrought with misfortune, for ten years.
98 Just as Odysseus backed-out tied to the bottom of a sheep, I had also backed-out—sheepishly—which directly corresponds! We spent Saturday night in the woods, and on Sunday drove along the coast, looking at the sights. I hadn't yet divulged my intentions, I couldn't afford to, and allowed him to think I was still going along. Perhaps he got drunk on the idea? When I got home Sunday afternoon I still felt trapped, and opted to write him a letter: saying I went along as "nobody," which he took advantage of, yet here was my real outlook: my true identity. Therefore have a nice life. And I snuck over to his house late Sunday night, even as Odysseus snuck out of the cave, and attached it to his front door—the door to my confinement.
99 There's no doubt in my mind that I blinded him, his pride [n93], for it's what I intended to do; and I was telling him to just stay away. Indeed it all resurfaced a year later, August 1982? when I visited Tall Timber Ranch, Roy Masters' ranch in Southern Oregon. And I was confronted by Alan Masters, Roy's son, and my inability to express myself, from whence he began to pick me to pieces—at first accusing me of being a womanizer, and finally a psycho-path. He later deduced I was full of doubt, and concealing my emotions to cover up my weakness, which was closer to the truth. Indeed I was quite aware of this, and dealing with it, and it was really no one else's business: I intended no harm by it, and was only trying to protect myself. Besides, most people weren't qualified—though they continued to claim otherwise—to be disclosing my problems.
100 While he kept telling me how much I reminded him of someone else staying there. Lo and behold, when they finally determined what my problem was, in front of everybody else, and while escorting me off the property, there he was, the person I've been talking about—with a front row seat! When I came back two days later, having repented, basically, I spoke with Alan again, and we both conceded it was more of a misunderstanding. But, our friend was gone, and Alan and I began to speak of our differences—we both concurred with his treachery. It later occurred to me why he might mimic me? If not out of deceit, then perhaps because I had a profound impact on him. Either way, he probably got to see what he wanted, vengeance taken out on me. I also figured he left because he had been found out.
101 As the god Poseidon signifies the unconscious mind [n14:13], it alludes to the nature of my malady. Having been born prematurely, it was he who I had to reconcile myself, when falling back asleep. And as the Trojan War was more of a civil war, it suggests a more personal conflict which, was fought over the sea—the depths of Poseidon. And as it was won by the Trojan Horse, a creature sacred to Poseidon, it suggests the reconciliation or alliance between the unconscious and conscious. While it's significant that a horse was sacrificed prior to Helen's abduction, upon Odysseus' recommendation, and all her suitors were made to swear by it. Indeed this is the victory we achieve when we come to repentance, and it's the victory I achieved. Yet having established my objective, I emerged from the sea and began to walk upright: the transition from the natural to the spiritual. In so doing, I put my conscious intent first, before my unconscious, suggesting I now had a sense of direction.
102 And so speaks of my offense, for in our waking state, we tend to overlook the unconscious. And as we set aside Poseidon, we forsake the critical alliance in our victory; we need to at least pay homage here. This I believe explains my turmoil over the next ten years—with many monsters yet to subdue. It also explains Roy Masters' offense, who generates a lot of turbulence when stirring up these monsters from the id. And he won't let them rest! While it's funny how when I concluded writing about this, except the part about Roy Masters, I was wondering about the movie, The Poseidon Adventure. For I believe it was released the same year my adventure began, in 1971. And the very next day, October 4th, 1993, I heard the announcer say over the radio, "We have a real life Poseidon Adventure," and spoke of a huge thirty foot wave smacking into a ship overnight. How uncanny! [n1:20].
103 As I already said, my first residence was in Sunnyvale, California [n43],
and corresponded to the first church or, Church of Adam—The Eden Roc Apartments [n1:28].
And corresponded to Daphne, who was of Apollo, the sun god
[n4:23-25]—the Apollo gas station there [n44]. See the
relation to the woman clothed with the sun in
Revelation
12:1, i.e., Sunnyvale? Indeed! And, when referring to the
Church of Ephesus,
Revelation
2:4-5 says: "Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence
thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick
from out of his place, except thou repent."
104 In
Swedenborg's Apocalypse Revealed, he says it signifies those who regard the
truths of doctrine, but not the goods of life, i.e., charity; and that the goods of life are to be regarded first, and
to this extent one is found in the truths of doctrine, but not the reverse. To me this implies what is intellectual, of ascertaining
the truth, but without being grounded in one's heart: faith
separated from charity. Which is more a matter of speculation—or, analytical thinking—to entertain oneself with one's
intelligence, in a prideful or egotistical way. It was also the reason for
Adam's fall, after eating from the tree of knowledge.
Genesis
2:16-17
3:1-12
Thus it's interesting how only Ephesus speaks of the
fall. Swedenborg also says the goods of life were inherent at the beginning of this church, before the fall, as it is at
the beginning of every church. Consequently, it was something I seemed to be in danger of losing, just before I moved.
105 Regarding the first commandment, "Thou shalt have no gods before me," it seemed applicable for I had made a god of most everyone: I was "all things to all people," I groveled at their feet, and despised everyone greatly, myself even more. This was before Roy Masters arrived, and when he did, it was the first and foremost thing I had to learn—to stop getting people to feel sorry for me [n46]. By the time I moved I overcame this, and no longer behaved this way towards people. I lived in Sunnyvale for 32 months altogether, from 10/74 to 6/77.
106 There was also a local PBS Radio program called, New Dimensions, that I listened to before Roy, that showcased various religious leaders and philosophies, mostly eastern. And to these leaders, who came across as comforting and sympathetic, a lot of feel good philosophy, which was soothing for a tortured soul like myself, they seemed to elevate to godhood. It was more along the lines of A Course in Miracles, with J.D. Knight, something Oprah Winfrey has been known to endorse. These were angels from heaven, or gods, who had descended to evangelize themselves. While at the time I came up with the notion of becoming a god in my own right—the very temptation in the Garden of Eden! But as my real problems weren't being addressed, it only helped gloss over or palliate the symptoms. It was only short-term relief. And yet as I say in chapter 13 [n15-17], regarding Roy's views on transcendental meditation, the real answer lies somewhere in-between.
107 Like I said, my second residence was in Los Altos [n66-87] and, that it corresponded to the Church of Smyrna [n83], as well as the black walnut tree. I'll speak a little further now of Noah, and the second church [n1:24], in conjunction with the second commandment: "Thou shalt not make any graven images . . . and bow down and worship them."
108 Now when
Noah's father,
Lamech, names Noah he says: "This same shall comfort us concerning our work
and toil of our hands . . . because of the ground which the Lord hath cursed."
Genesis
5:28-29 As we know, Noah built
the ark, a very extensive labor, built with his own hands, regarding
his father naming him. And so it seems Noah corresponds to what we create with our hands or, our work. And, when merged with the
second commandment, you come up with something that in effect says:
"Don't glorify yourself in your work or, take excessive pride in it." We are only humans, not gods.
109 Indeed it seemes to coincide with living in Los Altos, for this is where I began making things with my hands: I took up woodworking for the first time, and made a lot of furniture, the majority of it for my mother—and, Noah built a wooden ark. It was something I taught myself, similar to Noah? and had done almost exclusively here. But, since moving, I haven't had the time or inclination to start and finish any more projects. It's been over 25 years! So it seems fitting it should end here. I also remember taking a certain amount of satisfaction in my work, and I suppose I was in danger of glorifying myself in it—the second temptation. More so here than elsewhere! As I already said, I lived in Los Altos for 58 months, from 6/77 to 4/82.
110 Thus it's interesting that the therapy Roy Masters prescribes, as I equate him with the Church of Smyrna [n83-87] involves working with one's hands. While he's often compared his faith to Noah's, having likened himself to a modern-day Noah—more than once! He's also a solitary figure, standing alone and above the rest which, could be said of Noah. And he's often spoken of sailing away to the south-seas in his state-of-the-art boat! And how often have I felt alone and set apart from the world, with no one to confide in. I too have led a solitary life, separated, because of my beliefs.
111 I also began to reconcile things with my mother at this time, and develop a closer relationship with her: it seemed to take root here and was exemplified by the furniture I made. Which seems fitting for we're speaking of the second church, in accord with a man's will or, his mother [n3:5]. It was also something Roy Masters contiued to stress, more than most things, of a mother's influence over her son and, how he should normalize his relationship with her.