112 The Odyssey itself, which began after the Trojan War, involved Odysseus' struggle to get home. And so began in his 11th year which, was about the time I encountered Polyphemus (n91), my 11th year since leaving San Jose. And soon afterwards, within a year, April 1982, I moved. Thus it seems fitting that the two coincide and, to the progression of The Church.
113 Before moving, I considered getting a roommate, since before Polyphemus. I felt I had grown up enough and was living by myself too long. It was time to develop my living skills with other people. After running an ad in The Iconoclast again, a publication of the FHU (n92), I found two roommates, someone a little older than myself, he was 35 and I was 26, and and his girlfriend, who was 21. And the three of us went looking for a house together. When we all found something we liked, in Sunnyvale, California, we moved in.
114 And so I had moved back to Sunnyvale (n103) which, portrays the triangle completed at its apex. While Los Altos (n107), which means the heights, portrays the second or elevated aspect of the cross, immediately below the crux (n6:58). And, as sunshine is typically compared to the color yellow, or gold, it's appropriate that my third residence be in Sunnyvale: yellow being the third color of the Menorah and corresponds to the highest point of the star (n6:54). Also, having portrayed Silicon Valley as the light of the world (n5), due to all the electronics development there, it's funny that Sunnyvale is right in the heart of Silicon Valley, with more development going on here than elsewhere!
115 While in the relationship between Artemis (3) and Apollo (1), as portrayed in Cindy (3) (n4:40), both are related to the sun: Apollo represents sunlight, and Artemis the moon which reflects it. Hence GeminiThe Twins, the third sign of the Zodiac. Whereby the numbers 3 and 31 also apply, and correspond to Cindy. Thus regarding my reference to Ephesus at my first residence (n103), "I will remove thy candlestick," the substantial mind (3) supersedes the speculative mind (1), which about sums up my development at this time. I refer to both the substantial and speculative minds in chapter 1 (n23-24.)
116 According to Swedenborg, the Church of Pergamos signifies the celestial kingdom or, the priesthood. Revelation 2:12-17 Which is also what Levi, the priest and third son of Israel signified. And, while we didn't get along well initially, as I explain below, my roommate seemed to settle down and I sensed he represented something similar after I moved out. Swedenborg also refers to the three levels of spirituality throughout his work: the natural (1), spiritual (2) and celestial (3). And speaks of the two heavenly kingdoms, the spiritual and celestial, which rule over or cancel out the natural. It suggests something similar to removing the candlestick from Ephesus, although it may not actually signifies this? Also, as the celestial kingdom signifies the heavenly marriage (n4:51), I'm reminded of my roommates, who may have worked things out. And so the correlation to Gemini.
117 As for the third commandment, "Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain," this is what my roommate signified. And, while it typically means not to swear by God, it does so only superficially. What it really means is not to be a hypocrite, even more so a religious hypocritewhich is worse. And throughout Matthew 23 Jesus rebukes the scribes and Pharisees, and in verse 25 says: "Woe unto you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess." Which is nearly the same as the religious fanatic, who justifies everything by the blood of Christ. And these people can get you so angry that you curse in God's name. And guess what? You've committed the ultimate blasphemy or, so they say. And if you can't deal with it, you rebel and go to the opposite extreme or, wind up repressing it. And so the seeds of hypocrisy have been implanted: ". . . and you become like what you hate."
118 There's no doubt my roommate's father, who was a lawyer, laid a similar trip on him. And once bound in the straightjacket of hypocrisy, with few avenues of expression, you tend to take it out on others. This is what my roommate brought to the table. And while I didn't detect it at first, it became apparent when we were looking for a house, even more so when moving in. It was most apparent with his girlfriend, with their constant bickering and arguing. And though it was a platonic relationship, he was very possessive and accustomed to getting his way. In other words he was very insecure. But, as he was still relatively new to Roy Masters, he hadn't evolved beyond being selfish and judgmental. And, as she was less familiar with Roy Masters, he was her only example.
119 It all but changed when we met, for I wasn't strict or possessive like thisor threatened. And all in the name of religion! I understood it was calmer before we met but, there was no one to challenge him. So he got very jealous, and she became more unruly and started to rebel. I tried to overlook it initially, hoping they'd settle down, but it only continued and I finally got upset a couple of months later. This is when I wrote them a dirty letter, full of four letter words and hung it on their door. Guess what? I became the bad guy! and was nearly overcome by the temptation!
120 Our relations were strained at best, so I decided we couldn't live in the same house and started camping out on the deck. This went on for another month, until we finally decided it would be best if we tried to get along, after my trip to Tall Timber Ranch (n99). I moved back in and stayed another two months, but things didn't really change and I finally decided to leave: after they threw a party and invited all their friends without consulting me. I lived here for six months altogether, from April to September, 1982. Which happens to be the 4th and 9th months, in accord with the number 49 and, the name Dennis (49) (n8:23).
121 About the time that I gave my roommates notice, my friend at work, who owned a house in San Jose, was getting ready to evict his roommates. He'd been talking about it for some time before he finally gave them notice. Soon afterwards, I suggested we become roommates, and he thought it was a good idea. He was an Arab from Syria, and though somewhat stubborn, being from that part of the world and having only recently become a U.S. citizen? he seemed moderate enough and I thought we could get along. So I moved in after his roommates left.
122 And so brings up the fourth or Christian Church (n3:17). And, in accord with Mary, it seems significant that his girlfriend's name was Mary, who spent most of her time there. He didn't bother to say anything before, and it seemed odd, for I didn't understand why she was there. He later said they were previously married. Which brings up the Church of Thyatira, what Swedenborg says signifies faith joined with charity, as well as its oppositetheir separation. To the latter I would ascribe my friend. A devout Muslim, who indeed went through the motions of charity, but it all reflected himself, getting a swollen head about the whole thing. His girlfriend was better imbued with these qualities. He was also hung-up with being my elder, by eight years, and suggested I was disrespectful for not accepting his word "blindly"a poor excuse for arrogance. Such was the custom of the old country!
123 This was apparent early on, after I sold my oak dining room set. I sold it because I was disenchanted with my former roommates, we were using it in the dining room, and I didn't think there'd be room for storage. He already knew I had it, but I didn't say anything because he just bought one, though it wasn't as nice. Besides, I found someone who really needed it, and they were glad to receive it. Upon hearing this he was aggrieved, having already had eyes on it, and behaved like I cheated him out of something. And he started to berate me, and continued to do so for the next month, which shows he was only thinking of himself. It was one of many things which followed.
124 As for the fourth commandment, "Remember the Sabbath," it's funny how I spent most of my weekends in my room, more so on Saturdays. Indeed I felt like was captive, with the difficulty I had trying to motivate myself. It wasn't the first time this happened: with few outside interests and the stress of work not prompting me to do something. But feeling out of place, it became heightened, and I resigned myself exclusively to my room, which was a first. On the other hand, my roommate spent the whole weekend selling at the flea-market. The real temptation here was not feeling I had the privacyof mindwhich is a prerequisite to worship.
125 Thus it's interesting how the Jews, the descendants of Judah and 4th son of Israel, correspond to the Sabbath: the Sabbath being more central to Judaism than any other religion. And though he wouldn't admit it openly, my roommate was prejudiced. Indeed some of it was probably warranted, but he rarely passed up the opportunity to criticize the Jews. And he went on and on . . . You should have seen his reaction when I suggested the United States was Israel! (n10:1). Thus before I moved I wasn't prejudiced toward the Jews but, a certain amount rubbed off, and I now have to be more careful and balanced in my views. As I said in chapter 2 (n7,12-13), the Jewish Church was the beginning of the fourth or Christian Church, and corresponded to their captivity. It was nearly the the same as my predicament, and like the Jews, I felt persecuted.
126 Everything came to head at work one day, when he was explaining something technical to someone. He was speaking from his own bias and wasn't making a lot of sense, and when he said something erroneous I tried to correct him. But he ignored me, so I tried again. He was an engineer and I was a technician. He then brusked me aside, like a small child, while in front of the other person I called him a vulgar name and walked into the back room. Well this was the ultimate insult coming from a subordinate, and he came storming in after me. We began to threaten each other and soon began to fight. It wasn't an all out brawl, but more of a wrestling match, and soon ended with him pinning me to the floordemonstrating his superiority.
127 Needless to say I was dismayed, and didn't go home for two nights. But when I did I was resigned to leave, and decided to buy a travel trailer: I had considered moving to Oregon since living in Los Altos, and a travel trailer seemed the best way to accomplish that. It was also something Alan Masters suggested when I talked to him (n99). I then made up a list of things to sell, of most everything of value that wouldn't fit into a trailer. It was all nearly new, or like new, and listed for about half of what I paid. I then took the list and handed it out at work, and was pleasantly surprised when most of it sold. I then had enough for a down payment! I lived with my roommate for four months altogether, from 10/82 to 2/83.
128 And so I bought a travel trailer, a relatively new one and in good condition. And with a little difficulty I found a place to parkspaces were hard to findat a trailer park in Palo Altowhich, was right off the Oregon Expressway! Or, it was the first exit before I turned off Highway 101. It's curious, for this had become my ticket to Oregon. And I soon moved in and thought surely I was on my way. While it felt nice to own instead of pay rent, and I felt more inclined to take care of it. So I began to renovate: rebuilding the bed, putting up wallpaper and building shelves.
129 While at the time it seemed like a good idea, and it was essential that I move here but, my hopes were soon dashed. It was a depressing place! As trailer parks typically go? it was a place of last resort for most who were there: they were generally of low income and had lived there several years, and couldn't afford to go elsewhere. Whereby they had lost all hope and resigned themselves to their lot. On the other hand, I had just moved in and was on my way to a better place, hopefully, to Oregon.
130 There wasn't much room between trailers, perhaps ten feet, and it was really cramped. I had a particular problem with the neighbor next door; which leads to why the previous tenant left? Initially I thought he was an ex-con, actually the people on both sides, but he may have been a Vietnam vet. He and one or two friends were staying there, and with rare exception they stayed up late, often past 4:00 in the morning: getting loud and drunk and finally falling asleep. The one friend had a motorcycle, and he kept leaning it against my trailer in the middle of the night, shaking the trailer and waking me up. While they frequently had barbecues, which they set about two feet away from my trailer: as smoke billowed in through the vents and windows, and soot caked up on the outside.
131 Within a week or two I started complaining to the manager, and continued to do so until he made them move to another part of the park a few months later. The situation was getting tense but, I had to get up and go to work in the morning, and I wasn't getting much sleep! I guess they figured they could do whatever they wanted, and I was the one who was spoiling it.
132 As for the Church of Sardis, Swedenborg says it concerns those who are in dead worship, which are those who go through the motions of worship, and appear to be pious, but without any true understanding, hence no life. Which to me refers to the understanding (n1:27), and prompts the fifth commandment, "Honor thy father and thy mother," which is perhaps least understood. Indeed it says to respect and obey our parents but, what if they were cruel or thoughtless or, dysfunctional? How can you obey someone who tries to lay a trip on you, and presents you with one of two choices: to rebel or conform. Either way you wind up despising them, and you become just like them or, go to the opposite extreme.
133 And so brings up Roy Masters, The Fifth Earl (n58), and the very essence of what he teaches. For he speaks of forgiving our parents, and how to grow beyond their "crippling effects." And, because they were once children, they probably had to cope with something similar. Thus by breaking the cycle, we keep from perpetuating the same thing on our children. This is where true understanding lies. Yet if we don't grow beyond our parents, we're apt to find ourselves in the gutteror, in prisonor, similar to the state of the people living here. This was the temptation I was presented with.
134 I'd now like to relate the problem I had since I began listening to Roy Masters. It concerns evil spiritsor demonsan idea that becomes tangible as you continue to read. And by determining they exist which, is Roy's emphasis on the negative, it confirms God's existence: their malevolence standing in direct contrast to Him. Hey, if the Devil exists, then there must be a God! It's a plausible idea, and true. And so brings up Matthew 12:43-45, which speaks of the unclean spirit that departs, and wanders through dry places, only to return and bring seven spirits more wicked; and the last state of the man is much worse. Swedenborg describes it as most profane.
135 And though this wasn't a problem when by myself, it was initially, I was all too aware of the implications: it became a problem when I got upset during the day, usually at work, and especially at night, with the neighbors disturbing my sleep. While at times I felt overpoweredeven possessedperhaps as many as seven? but, without the above effect. It typically occurred in my sleep, while dreaming (n13:18). And while it turned my whole world upside-down, I'd recover enough and go beyond it in a few weeks; nor was I dealing with more than one spirit at a time. I was still concerned though, and as I describe in chapter 13 (n40), I didn't have the necessary tools, i.e., doctrine, to deal with it. While at one point in Los Altos, I suspected I might be overcome by a whole legion of spirits before finding out how. What a premonition! (n169).
136 These possessions occurred during the seven-and-a-half years at my first two residences. And may have occurred at the third and fourth residences if I stayed longer. The spirits were still there. But, once I moved to the trailer park, the stage was setwith all its disturbancesand it seemed imminent. A couple of months later it happened, shortly after Easter. I fell asleep one night with the covers pulled back which, didn't help either. I don't recall If I was angry before going to bed, but I had a dream about the Devil, tempting me. And I began to shout, "Where is he! Where is the Devil!" while bodies of his henchmen flew everywhere. I had confrontations like this before, but none so decisive. Indeed none could withstand me, until I met up with their boss. He looked like a large clay pot, similar to the strawberry pot I planted out back, with just a head and a deep scowl on its face. It reminded me of a mafia boss, and I picked up a rock to throw at it. It seems all I needed was to smash this pot and I would have conquered the Devilfor good!
137 My attempts were feeble at best. He seemed to have a will over everything, as if the whole disturbance originated from him. I could hardly lift my arm, let alone throw the rock. And when I did, I faltered. He then morphed into a flying insect and flew straight at medirectly into my left ear. And I woke-up immediately, dumbfounded, my jaw agape. And, while I managed to stave off the other spirits, in Sunnyvale and Los Altos, this one was different, maybe seven times worse? And so sets the stage for what happened at my seventh residence (n169). Nonetheless I managed to cope, though things weren't quite the same, as it affected my equilibrium, what the ear signifies. It also helped expedite my leaving and, because of an impasse at work, company politics, I decided to pack up and move to Oregon. I lived here for eight months altogether, from 2/83 to 10/83.
138 I think because I initially had the upper-hand and took the offensive here, it lessened the impact. It didn't change the malevolence of this spirit, however: its severity depending more on the severity of the trauma. It still affected my balance, and because of its sophistication, it was difficult to shake. It became more of an uneasy alliance. Which is significant for the fifth aspect of the cross signifies a state of balance, as well as the understanding. Also, Palo Alto means tall stick or, the height of it, which is where the four aspects of the cross intersect: at its height (n6:70) It's also significant that prior to Easter I developed the symbol of the cross, portraying ideological opposites, and sent it to Roy Masters (n6:89). It was very revelatory, and it wasn't until afterwards that Roy began to exorcise people with the cross. I suspect it may have influenced him here.
139 After giving notice at work, I began to prepare for the move to Oregon. On October 1st, after working nine years in Silicon Valley (n11:5; n12:6), I pulled my trailer out of the park and headed for Santa Rosa, where I spent two weeks visiting my mother. On the 15th I headed for Eureka, and spent the night visiting my brother. From there I proceeded to Oregon, and found a campground in Selma to stay. I spent the first night and drove to Grants Pass the next day to find a trailer park with a space to rent. I drove through town, then up Rogue River Highway, and pulled into a mobile home park, about three miles east of town. It had room for both mobile homes and travel trailers. After talking to the manager I decided to stay, and moved in the next day, on October 18th.
140 I spent the next month-and-a-half scouting the area, and started to get comfortable. But being new to the area I felt reluctant to do anything. There wasn't much work, and what there was involved working with the public, a sensitive issue with me, as it involved selling myself. I looked in the paper from time to time, and occasionally something came up in electronics. But by the end of November I was getting concerned. I only had so much money and considered moving back to Santa Rosa. I lucked out in early December when I found a job at a small electronics firm in Grants Pass, at the same company I refer to in chapter 12 (n12:31), and was fortunate they were able to utilize my skills. They had me building electronic prototypes, and doing electro-mechanical design and drafting, not unlike what I did in the Bay Area (n79-81).
141 Like I said in Vanessa (6), the Church of Philadelphia corresponds to one's free will (n4:67), and is what one hopes or longs for (n10:17). And it's essentially what my moving to Oregon represented, for I realized what I was hoping to do over the past few years. This is a good distinction to make, for unlike a lot of people, who moved here because Roy Masters was here, I did so of my own volition. It was one thing Roy continued to stressnot to become dependent on the FHU. Indeed, I had maintained my own livelihood and kept my distance. And though it was a determining factor, it was more incidental, for I'd already decided to move out of the city, nor did it have to be here. In fact, I initially conceived the idea of moving to Oregon when living in Los Altos (n107), before I found out Roy Masters was relocating here.
142 As for the sixth commandment, "Thou shalt not kill" or, "Don't commit murder," I had a relationship with a tenant in the park that would have applied. He was there when I first moved in and had been there a month-and-a-half. His name was John, regarding the number 6, as conveyed in Jennifer (2) (n4:36), and like me he listened to Roy Masters. A very likable person, and relatively innocent, he seemed to possess all those qualities I desired most, regarding Roy, which made me feel very inadequate. Yet it was more superficial or a pseudo innocence. Naive best describes it. And he was very glib. And when I spoke to him about anything of depthand Royhe had a way of glossing things over, and not grasping its significance. He was also from the Deep South, Mississippi? which helped explain his knack for charm.
143 In many ways it was seductive. And having suffered so much pain and turmoil over the years, I had accomplished a great deal, only to have him come along and effectively say it wasn't so. Thus it's interesting how people can stir these things up inside you, and make you feel like less of a person. This was the temptation, and indeed I despised him for it. But I was aware of it and acknowledged its significance if it went uncheckedmurder. He later moved to Selma, which I've equated with the Church of Smyrna (2) in the next chapter (n12:10): "Behold, I will make them of the Synagogue of Satan [Smyrna] . . . to come and worship before thy feet, and to know that I have loved thee." Revelation 3:9 And so refers to the Church of Philadelphia (6), regarding my sixth residence, concerning the Church of Smyrna (2) and the number 62 (n82-83; n4:68; n6:58).
144 John also came back to visit at least once, and spoke of encountering a bear rummaging through the garbage cans outside his trailer one night. And, while it didn't occur to me at the time I wrote it, it directly corresponds to the Bear and the Garbage Can in chapter 9 (n17-24). And here, in accord with the falsities associated with the Church of Smyrna, a bear signifies ignorance. Which I've also equated with the typified attitude of Roy Masters' male listener towards women. And I remember the night I sat with John in his trailer and we had this very conversation.
145 And here, he said women represented blanket approval towards men, especially when it came to sex and, it can only bring out the worst in them, basically reiterating Roy's idea that sex was original sin (n13:32). And, while my views were directed more towards Roy's male listener, it could just as easily have applied to Selma which, as I said in chapter 12 (n10-11), is where you go to become indoctrinated into Roy's lifestyle, and associated falsities. So clearly the two are related. I met up with John six or seven months later, at my seventh residence (n153), with similar inferences to bears and the number 62.
146 Regardless of any ill-feelings towards John, I was happy to be here, for it was quite a contrast from living in the city. It was a very romantic and scenic area, the people were friendly, though a bit pretentious (n12:16), and the job was going welland, I seemed to be getting established. Indeed, it was the beginning of the engagement period (n4:66). And so it seems the most significant thing I could have done at the time was move here. It was also at the time my article appeared in the Iconoclast Magazine, in April 1984 (n92). I wrote it before moving, after Easter 1983, and it was about Roy Masters' viewpoint and the impact it had on my life. It was titled: To Live or Not to Live.
147 It's also significant that the town was named after Ulysses S. Grant, the Civil War hero and 18th president of the United States. For Ulysses is another name for Odysseus! Here we are again! And, as Grant was a leader in the Civil War, the Trojan War itself was a civil war. So it seems I had come home to where I belonged. Which was especially heightened during the spring. I lived here for six-and-a-half months altogether, from 10/83 to 5/84.