204 My mobile home had been for sale since April, and the seller's agreement was up in October. But rather than list it with the realtor again, I opted to move it onto to a piece of property out in the country. This is what I really wanted to do all along, though I hoped to buy instead of rent but, I'm afraid my mind was too far gone by now.
205 In the meanwhile, I was rehired at the company I worked for earlier in September (n140). After approaching my boss several times over the past six months, he finally gave me a call. He said he had something for me to do, but instead of electronics, it involved building a 20' x 20' shop building out back, as well as some building maintenance tasks. He called because he knew I was doing all the yard-work, nor did he have the time to do it himself. He later had me build some electronics prototype assemblies.
206 It was also about the time my mother came to visit for a month. But she was only there about a week when my boss called, and she decided to leave early. Before she left, I remember taking her to look at a piece of property with me for rent. I only seriously considered renting after going back to work. Afterwards, while constructing the shop, I asked my boss if I could sleep out there: he was already aware of my problems with the neighbors, it was only the mother now, and he said he didn't mind. While there I started getting paranoid when I drove up in the evening, for the neighbor over the fence was somebody's residence. And like what happened at home, I was afraid of projecting my evil over there. Sensing they were somehow aware of this, I was afraid I was setting them up for something disastrous. While at some point somebody came out to look around, the first few nights? but, they may have been letting the dog out. I just assumed nobody knew I was there.
207 Towards the beginning of October, two or three weeks later, I found a place in Merlin, just northwest of Grants Pass. It was a two acre site in the country, basically out in the middle of nowhere; while the landlord had only recently installed the essentials: utility pole, water and septic, and later a driveway. I still had to dig a 15' trench for the septic line, and get the electricity drawn from across the road, as well as get it all approved, including the foundation blocks under the trailer. Nor was the propane tank installed or the phone lines laid. The phone lines required I dig a 250' trench, but more about this later (n303). Needless to say I was without utilities for two weeks after I moved in.
208 After giving my other landlord notice, I began to prepare for the move, which occurred around the 15th. Except for actually moving the trailer, I did all the work myself. So I spent eight hours at work, and another five to six hours in the evening, moving, and it was all physical. When I finally got to bed at night and, as I was still having problems with the evil spirits, I was lucky to get any sleep. It was an exhausting ordeal, that lasted three to four weeks, and it clearly couldn't continue. But I initially had all of this energy, in part because I was in good shape, plus I had also gotten wild and unruly: thinking I had been too reserved and, that it was contributing to the problem with the spirits, it seemed to lessen the impact. Then one day at work someone decided it was time to shake the walnut tree out back: an English walnut grafted to a black walnut (n1:30). Guess what? I was elected the man for the task, for I had all the right credentials. So I scampered up the tree like a monkey, and shook it with complete abandon, until every single nut fellwell, perhaps. There's more about this later (n298).
209 It was evident early on that I was going to have problems with the neighbors across the road. For their house was for sale and listed by a realtor affiliated with Roy Masters: who listed their property almost exclusively in the Iconoclast Magazine (n92), and had written an article therein, as well as sold property for Roy. So it was easy to conclude my neighbors were related to Roy, which was later confirmed by my dealings with them, albeit it was not stated outright. While it was this one thing that made it feel like I hadn't gotten away from my problem. I sensed they would soon pick up on me, and I wouldn't be able to control my fears.
210 It's also significant that the woman's name was Virginia, I had already seen the family coming and going, for it was about the time I surmised I was possessed by 35 evil spirits. While a few years later, while working with the order of admission of the United States, I found out Virginia was the 10th state and, West Virginia was the 35th state (n6:67). Which indeed is where I had moved, across the road from Virginiaon the west side! (n1:20). There's even more significance to her name, which I'll be relating below (n245). And, if it wasn't for this, this account wouldn't be so meaningful.
211 It was my first or second night there, as I tried to sleep, I became very aware of their presence, and began to transfix my fears over there. And I felt a presence or heard a voice? of the mother saying, "We are a happy family here," and she extended her welcome to me; and I sensed something very beautiful or saintly (motherly) about it. Needless to say I felt I had established a link, and it was extremely difficult not to dwell on it. I was afraid I was going to project some horrible thing over there and, as I was fairly sure they were acquainted with Roy, I knew the husband wouldn't respond well to it.
212 I believe it was that same night I had a vision: of my truck, parked in the middle of their living room! I was already asleep dreaming, when there it was, clear as dayand I woke up immediately. Indeed it epitomized my transgression, for I had just moved in and, most everything was done in my truck: and coincides with projecting my fears. While it best exemplified my comings and goings, for it's primarily what they saw of me. They knew when I was home. I tried to reconcile myself to this but, I knew something was about to give.
213 While the next night I believe I had a dream: where I got into a fight with the husband, who indeed was trying to protect his interests, but failed to understand who I was or the circumstances that brought me there. Whereby I came up with the notion of my transgression, for which reason I adduced theirs was greater. It was a prolonged struggle, as we tried to direct this evil to its proper place. I knew if I lost I would suffer another possession or, the same thing would happen to him. We were fairly evenly matched, but it was his property and he had the upper hand. I succeeded though, when I picked up a sack of flour and dumped it over his headand he was caught wearing the bag! So because of what happened with my previous neighbors, I was now involved with my new neighbors. I was sure I had driven somebody crazy, and was more caught up in my mind than ever. Needless to say my next possession occurred a couple of nights later. It had just about everything to do with being self-conscious!
214 While early on I had a dream about this huge dinosaur or dragon. It looked like a tyrannosaurus rex and appeared like dung, and its wrath was directed towards the wife. It may have been when the next possession occurred. Later that night I had the most vivid dream: about the wife, laying on a spacious round bed with a ruffled white comforter, doing what was otherwise reserved for her husband! (n7:49). She appeared to be calling to him. And while it was very explicit, I didn't sense anything profane. In fact it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen! So it was beginning to look like I was responsible for the wife's welfare which, was a prelude of things to come.
215 My neighbors also let their two dogs roam loose, as it was out in the country with few neighbors close by. They were likable animals, the male was a golden retriever and the female a speckled collie, while it was one thing that suggested these people were affiliated with Roy, and his liberal attitude towards animals. We immediately took a liking to each other but, it continued to remind of their owners.
216 The situation continued to deteriorate, as I started to develop a theme about my dilemma. Much of it had to do with Roy Masters, and his theme about transgression and restitution, something he continued to stress. In fact if it wasn't for this, I would have been spared much of what follows. And while it can be a good thing, it depends more on the criteria that decides when a transgression has been committed. And so he spoke of people and their trashy nature, and how they don't deserve what they have. And he gave examples of how people tried getting him involved in doing wrong things, and wound up forfeiting their fortunes to him. While he compared himself to Abraham, and God's covenant with him: "And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee . . ." Genesis 12:3 Thus being one of God's elect, it was almost a mandate, and a debt was incurred when people rejected or despised him. And in my own mind it explains the (imagined) tug-of-war about to ensue.
217 The tension continued to build for the next week-and-a-half, when I was given a brief reprieve. I had just gotten off work and was driving home when I saw a young woman hitchhiking. So I stopped to ask where she was going, something I didn't ordinarily do, but I was feeling adventurous that day. She said she needed a ride to her mother's house in Wolf Creek, which was about 22 miles north of Grants Pass, near the Wolf Creek Tavern. About a half-hour drive, it was very beautiful and scenic going over the mountains, and we had an engaging conversation. A gentle woman in her early twenties, twenty-four?and, quite bewitchingshe spoke of her early marriage at the age of fifteen or sixteen. Of how her husband was considerably older and they were now separated, and how he had taken control of the kids and arbitrarily kicked her out of the house, because of her immaturity? What he apparently intended to do all along. And she spoke of her little boy in the hospital in Roseburg, who she hoped to see in the next day or two.
218 I said I was single and pretty much a free spirit, and had just moved my mobile home onto some property in Merlin. And, because of what was happening with my neighbors, I threw out kind of wishfully I thought I'd be getting married soon, although it was directed towards her. While she spoke of her love for her husband in her youth and how he had broken her heart, saying she wouldn't allow herself to get so close to someone again. And I exclaimed, "But I wouldn't do that to you!" To which she didn't reply.
219 I was moved by what she said and offered to give her a ride to the hospital. She said it wasn't necessary. I said it wasn't any trouble, but she seemed already set in her mind. I then jokingly asked if she wanted me to beat her husband up. She said she didn't think it was a good idea, for he was a big man and was used to getting his way, and I wouldn't fair very well. We were nearing our destination when I said she was a nice person and I hoped we could keep in touch. She seemed open about it and gave me her phone-number, and I drove off.
220 That same night I had a dream: I was startled and roused awake by a young woman, who took me by the hand, as we whisked into the night sky. We sailed through the stars until we came to the town of Sunnyvalley, which is just south of Wolf Creek. She was very fervent as she stayed close, and seemed to ascribe our ability to fly to me. When we landed I picked her up and she put her arms around my neck and we held the deepest embrace. It all seemed to be orchestrated through her will, born of her passion towards me, along with my concern for her welfare. She seemed to think I was Superman! Why not? having ascribed this stage of my life to Apollo, if any superhero best exemplified Apollo, it was Superman. So here we were in Sunnyvalley! Apollo being the god of sunlight (n4:23).
221 Up to this point this was the most profound dream I ever had. I had never been fully conscious like this before, i.e., in the spirit (n5:1; n9:3). While it clearly alluded to what happened earlier that day, and I knew there was something special about this woman. And for the next day or two I imagined she was with me, as I held and caressed and comforted her (n202). I even imagined going to the hospital and staying with her in the hospital room. I was sure I felt her presence.
222 I don't recall giving her the phone-number at work, but she called a couple of days later. We had a nice chat, and before she hung up she said she hoped we'd have a happy relationship. It was about the time I had a vision: I was out back working on the shop, putting up paneling or something on the inside. I was still thinking about her when suddenly something stirred in my mind. And I closed my eyes and saw this scribbling, which turned into a glowing ember or something? before becoming fully blown into a steelhead trout! It swam motionless in the middle of a stream and looked straight up at me! It was the first time I ever had a vision while awake, and it was very intrinsic, suggesting this woman was immersed in my thought stream and, it was time to come homei.e., to spawn. Indeed I felt very deeply about it.
223 In fact if it wasn't for this, I wouldn't have been so bold when she called a couple of days later. It was after she visited the hospital and her little boy was still on her mind. After talking a few minutes I felt compelled to tell her about my imagined visit to the hospital, which wasn't too smart, for she ended the conversation abruptly saying, "Well I have to go now." What else was I to do?
224 It was getting close to Halloween, and I tried calling her a couple more times, but to no avail. On Halloween I called and asked if it would be okay to stop by that evening. I don't recall who I talked to, but I think they said it was okay. So I drove over and we talked briefly as she got ready to go trick-or-treating. Her mother was also there and we were introduced. She soon left and I wound up spending the evening with her motherone of the strangest evenings I ever spent! Her mother was very emotional and, when the trick-or-treaters came to the door they were literally bombarded, although no-one seemed to mind. They knew who she was. These are the kind of people Roy Masters tells you to avoid or, at least refrain from responding to, for they detract from your clarity and suck you into their confusion.
225 Indeed she started coming at me from all directions and, when she mentioned she was 50 percent black, something that wasn't apparent that I didn't see coming and, with my unwillingness to get sucked in, she began to unload. She started accusing me of being a racist, and spoke of how horrible I and other people were for being this way. This went on for a couple of hours as we swam around in a sea of emotions: I could only sit there and look at her, with little response. While I admit I've never been much of a conversationalist, as it tends mostly to serve other people's egos. Plus with all the turmoil going on inside, as well as having the daughter on my mind, there wasn't much to say. I was finally freed from it all when her long lost husband came to the door who, she hadn't seen in years! How strange? I watched on for another hour before I finally excused myself and said I had to go, around 11:00 pm.
226 All this time I had been waiting for the daughter to come home, but by now it was pointless. I then decided I'd write her a letter, specifically about the dream and the vision, and further explain my trip to the hospital, and then maybe she'd come around. It wasn't altogether different from the previous letter that got me into troublethough I made no reference to the Devilfor I spoke of marriage and spiritual things, as well as our ascent to heaven. I finished it the next day and decided to stop by that evening. I didn't bother to call ahead, but she was there when I got there. At that point she said I really got her mother's goat the night before, and not many people were capable of doing that.
227 I then gave her the letter, which she began to read without delay. When she was through she was a little amazed and exclaimed, "What an unusual letter!" That was about the extent of it, and there wasn't much else said. But it was a far cry from what happened before, with all the shock and horror involved! Shortly afterwards her boyfriend came to the door, and we were introduced. He was very docile and didn't say but a few words all the time I was there. She catered to him for the rest of the evening, while I sat in the background. It was apparent she wasn't interested so I finally got up and excused myself. I figured I didn't need to keep torturing myself, for I had acted in good faith and couldn't take it any further. It was now up to her to get a hold of me. This was the last I time saw her.
228 While I've equated this young woman with Sibyl, and her rejection of Apollo (n4:46). In fact, there was a Star Trek episode where they encountered the god Apollo, who fell in love with one of the crew members, who had the same name! And of course like Sibyl, she ultimately spurned him. And, after considering my neighbor Virginia the third wife of Dennis (n248; n4:6), she became the fourth. And so it seems fitting that the fourth aspect of Gerarai be named Sybil, although spelled a bit differently. Yet the number 32, in accord with Virginia (3) and the daughter's mother (2) at my seventh residence (n11:146), also applies to Sybil. And being older women, it portrays a more mature or idealized relationship (n4:51).
229 So I found myself back at home, alone, and faced with the prospect of dealing with the new neighbors. All this time spent dwelling on Wolf Creek had been a diversion, and I had relatively little trouble with the spirits, though I was assaulted in my sleep the night I had a run-in with the mother. And so confirms my intentions, that they were honorable, and underscores the correlation to Apollo. But it wasn't long before I was transfixing my fears on the neighbors again, and the demons continued their onslaught. I suspected the whole family was now terrified, and the husband was still crazy and out for revenge: why the tension continued to build, for I thought it was he who was in my mind disrupting things, keeping me from calming things down.
230 And so I became the peacemaker, and it was up to the husband to tow the line, which he wouldn't do. It had now evolved beyond my transgression, and it was he who was in the wrong, as it continued to escalate. At one point I staged a fight in my mind and beat the daylights out of him. Here we are with the theme of restitution again. Consequently I felt justified when I claimed his wife, for it was his default. Besides, who was going to take care of her if he wouldn't? Of course none of this would have transpired if I didn't think they were affiliated with Roy Masters and, they weren't aware of who I wasthus giving him a formidable spirit. Some of these ideas had already occurred to me by the time I picked up the young woman hitchhiking, and is what prompted my idea about getting married (n218).
231 I continued this theme after querying the woman across the road about her name, in my mind, and determining it was Katherine: first Katie, which is derived from Kate, and then Katherine, which is related to Karen (n4:72). It was an honest inquiry, and this is what came to me. And, since my truck signified my transgression, which I bought from a friend named Alex at my third residence, in Sunnyvale (n112), I equated myself with AlexanderThe Great. And Katherine became my queenCatherine The Great. So, is it only a coincidence that Alexander's exploits were equated with Dionysus? As for her husband, I equated him with Ivan The Terrible, due to all the atrocities he was committing. And so the stage was set, as I prepared to go to war.
232 Because I was struck so profoundly, I suspected the vision of the steelhead trout was my cue (n213), and the door to the spiritual world was about to be opened. And I began to focus on the clouds in my mind, similar to the clouds on the front cover, for I had equated them with the spirit. But rather than simply observe, I tried superimposing a face or image over them, and shortly thereafter my whole mind was lit up in color. And so it became my introduction, and I was soon staging and illustrating things in my mindwhich, was just like a full length motion picture, with me at center stage.
233 I should also mention Emanuel Swedenborg, for some of his material was available through the Foundation of Human Understanding, specifically the booklet, The Presence of Spirits In Madness, by Wilson Van Dusen. A clinical psychologist who worked with the mentally ill, it speaks of a remarkable similarity between Swedenborg's findings and his findings with mental patients, specifically their hallucinations. While it concurs with one of Swedenborg's main doctrines: that man is governed by a hierarchy of spirits, that dwell within his interior thoughts and feelings. Much of which corroborates Roy Masters' view, specifically the part about the spirits of the lower order, or demons, something I was all too familiar with! And, while it was the only literature I had from the Swedenborg Foundation, it was one of the main things that spurred me on.
234 The booklet was also brief, and helped further my ignorance on one thing, that these spirits were intermediaries between man and God but, were not man himself (n13:11). I understood there were angels and demons, and that heaven and hell existed, but not that the resurrection had already occurred and, the afterlife exists, a heresy promoted by much of Christendom. Yet this is precisely what we become when we die, angels and demons. Indeed it's an important distinction to make, for it implies privacy and, by having little comprehension of what's entailed, we can only interfere with their world and, very likely ruin ours. Of course I was already in the process of messing my own life up, but I know I created quite a stir when I opened this door.
235 And while the book did mention this relationship, it gave only scant detailat which I scoffedand, it was at variance with Roy Masters. Or I'm assuming he didn't believe in it, for I never once heard him mention it over the radio, although he said things to the contrary. And, with his primary focus on the here and now, itself sound doctrine, it seemed inconsequential to him, and he shouldn't necessarily be faulted for it. Yet it was a major contributor to my dilemma.
236 I also believe most of it was necessary, otherwise we wouldn't be viewing the contents of this book. But
before you go out and do something like this yourself, I ask you to give it careful consideration, for it can be extremely dangerous.
Remember most of these things occurred under great duress, and I'm not recommending anybody dive into it headlong. If you're
interested, there's the book, Inner Work, by
Robert A. Johnson, which covers this in detail and would serve as a
better introduction. Johnson, the reputable author and Jungian analyst, wrote the book,
ECSTASY: Understanding The Psychology Of Joy,
which I refer to in chapter 14 (n26). It was written specifically about Dionysus, and the loss of
ecstasy in today’s modern world.