237 So I declared war on the husband and I began to lay siege. Early on I staged my story and portrayed it before all of heaven: of how my plight began with moving my mobile home, continuing with my truck parked in my neighbor's living room, which then escalated to war. It was an account that lasted most of the night. While at one point I seemed to get a handle on things, as I gained in spiritual might. I came to terms with Roy's aspect in the husband and was given power over the spirits. It even looked like I might resolve things, without taking it furtherand not get anyone else involved. This was before I spoke to the woman who managed the property, a good friend of the landlord who he had asked to do this. She also lived Merlin.
238 I don't recall if I was there to pay the rent, it seemed too early, but we began to talk. Thus feeling the strength of my accomplishments, I felt compelled to tell her about my spiritualityone of the dumbest things I could have done! I didn't intend to go into detail, only convey my optimism, and the last thing I expected was her to come back about her own spirituality. She started talking about her previous psychic involvements, typically labeled the occult, and on the wrong side of the fence according to Roy. Indeed she seemed quite knowledgeable, while she spoke of the inherent danger and evil involved, especially when introducing it to the uninitiated and, related her own experience. Tell me about it!
239 And though she didn't really refute these things, she said she'd pretty much put them away and no longer practiced. While she still knew people who tried to contact her, psychically, but she had learned how to block them. She also spoke of her recent marriage with her husband, who was unaware of this. Because she didn't want to expose him to the dangers? An older woman in her late fifties? she was strong willed and overbearing, and seemed like someone you might call a witch? Circe? It seems I had some notion about her turning men into swine, just as Circe turned Odysseus' men into swine! And, although she meant no harm, she was still meddlesome. So now the door was thrust wide open, for it was too much of a temptation.
240 And so everything was stepped up to the next level, and included two new major players: she and her husband. And, I kept getting a vivid picture of her husband, who I portrayed as lustful, the typical male? for it kept popping up in the middle of everything. Whereby the temptation was to try and not interfere and still keep him unaware, which I couldn't do. It was too much to try and juggle their circumstances, with that of my neighbors across the road. Consequently everything fell apart almost immediately afterwards. This was all confirmed on my next visit, when she insisted I leave her alone and threatened to get her other friends involved. I considered these the threats of a demanding woman, and asked if she wanted me to judge her.
241 I was now fighting a war on two fronts, and it wasn't long before I declared war on the whole world. For I didn't want anyone interfering with my relationship with my wife: i.e., everything was unraveling and I was sure everyone was going to find out anyway, like her husband. And so in my mind I had become the supreme judgeor, judgment of God. And at one point I stood up to face the ornamental shield on the wall facing my neighbors, it was about 18 inches in diameter, made made out of brass and portrayed a harvest? and raised my right arm and exclaimed: "I am sinned not-li-mah, and I've come to conquer the world!" This is my name spelled backwards and means I'm not the lambor Jesus. Strikingly enough, it compares with Dionysus who, when he was finally admitted to heaven, stood at the right hand of Zeus, even as Jesus stood at the right hand of God.
242 While about this time I surmised my name was Greek in origin, and there must have been a first Dennisthe saintwho was given a similar task. It's not far from the Dionysian myth in fact (n5:12). But before I go any further, I must reiterate these events occurred under great duress, for I didn't fully understand what I was doing and hadn't learned to control my fearsand, it was accompanied by a lot of doubt. This is why it kept escalating and took on such monumental proportions. And so the stage was set for me to claim his wife.
243 Indeed I felt I had done the utmost to restore everything and put it back in its place, but these forces, the husband, etc., kept tearing it apart. So I felt it was justifiedeven necessaryto claim her as restitution. Like I said, I saw these spirits as intermediaries between God and man but, not man himself (n233-235). And here the spiritual world was like the workings of a telephone, and I was that close to making a connection, the episode with the property manager only corroborating it. As crazy as it was, I still felt the need to contact my neighbor and verify she was experiencing the same thing. This was my saving grace, for who knows what would have happened if I listened implicitly to the voices. I still had hell to pay though! So I looked up the name on their mailbox and drove to the store a few miles away and made the call.
244 We only talked briefly as I introduced myself, and said I was a spiritual person and that I was experiencing some pretty unusual things, and asked if she was having problems with her marriage. Of course she could only deny it, and I said I was sorry for bothering her. But I wasn't satisfied, to say the least, and figured she just wasn't ready to talk: i.e., my problems still weren't resolved. So I worked up the nerve and called a few days later. Essentially reiterating what I said the first time, I asked if she was sure nothing was going on. She was flustered now and handed the phone over to her husband, and I repeated myself, at which time he told me he too was spiritual, and said I should be careful about hearing voices. Indeed he seemed calm and relaxed, and struck me as someone affiliated with Roy, i.e., it helped confirm this and caused me to wonder. But I later concluded it was only a ploy, for he was the one who was crazy. Right?
245 At one point I approached the wife and her daughters, after they got back from the store and were unloading the groceries. I don't recall what I said, but it pertained to what I said above. It was more of an introduction. Later that evening, the husband came over to talk to me, and spoke of what happened earlier in the day. Up to this point, as I was still trying to establish the link, I was astounded when he referred to his wife by nameVirginia! although he wasn't aware of this. And, while he didn't seem like the monster I made him out to be, this is the one thing that set precedent, and completely swept me away. She was still a virgin!
246 So I redressed the issue about the wife and concluded there must have been two women, the first named Katherine, and the second her younger sister, Virginia, who was much more beautiful! And I surmised Virginia had only been married two weeks, the children were Katherine's, only since after I moved in, which was meant to be annulled because of the previous events. Sound similar to the theme of Leah and Rachel? (n4:123). And I concluded it was yet to be consummated, for she was resisting his advances and wished only to marry mewhich later fueled his rage! And so it became more plausible, with even less conflict, for I was only trying to claim what was duly mine, rather than claim another man's wife.
247 So with renewed strength and vigor I resumed my conquest, with the focus remaining on warding off the husband and making his wife mine through my embrace. This became the main theme, which later drew to its conclusion. I should also add how closely it's tied to the Dionysian myth, which expressly states he claims the Athenian Basilinna or, Queen of Athens (n4:5) as his wife, which is consummated in her husband's house! Something only Dionysus was known to do! While it expressly states she had to be a virgin before marrying her husband the Archon Basileus! And, as I said in Karen (7) (n4:72), the names Katherine and Ariadne have virtually the same meaningwhat is pure or, most pure. While it's essentially the same as Aphrodite's title, who indeed compares to Ariadne, her earthly counterpart. And it was Aphrodite who could restore her virginity whenever she pleased.
248 Having said this, I'd like to speak a little further about the Four Wives of Dennis and their respective order (n4:6). For the first and second wives correspond to the daughter and mother at my seventh residence (n203). And the logical choice for third would be the woman from Wolf Creek (n217) but, I already had dealings with my new neighbors, and already considered the idea. Besides I've equated her with Sibyl and Apollo (219), making it a plausible correlation to Sybil, the fourth aspect of Gerarai (n4:46). Much as I equated the first woman with Daphne, the first (n4:28). Whereby Virginia becomes the third, and corresponds to Artemis or Cindy (3) who, was known for her virginity! (n4:39). I might add these are the qualities of the husbandor priestwho assumes the woman's father (3), as portrayed in Jennifer (2) (n4:33) and Sybil (4) (n4:51). Indeed it reflects the nature of what transpired here, that of a priestly or, virgin marriage (32) (n228). Arthur and Guinevere? (n12:67).
249 And so I should bring up circumcision, a priestly matter that occurs on the eighth day, for this was my eighth residence and, in accord with Arthur and Guinevere, Merlin (n12:12,26). And in the account of Justine (8) (n4:85), I refer to the big dog on a leash, and specifically call it a wolf in chapter 13 (n55-56). While I say circumcision involves lifting the veil, in accord with the honeymoon which, is wild and crazy. This indeed is what happened, for the veil was lifted and I was allowed to see what I otherwise couldn't seeinto the spiritual world. And it was wild and crazy, and pertained specifically to marriage! So is it any wonder it all began with the vision of the steelhead troutand, the woman from Wolf Creek! (n217,232).
250 As for my visions, I discovered early on that I needed to dramatize them somehow and take an active role. This was usually accomplished through the extension of my body, itself the vessel, through a corresponding action or deed. And to the degree that I was successful, the images became more vivid and the feelings more profound. This is why it was critical to contact my neighbor, for the intensity would diminish if it wasn't allowed it to proceed, and transferred to something real and tangiblein the flesh. And so epitomizes my battle, for I had built up this awesome palace, full of profound delights and representations, only to have it collapse when something unexpected came along or, when I was too exhausted. I needed something more substantial to work with, their consent. If I were to describe it further, it's probably similar to the Pentecostals, rolling around on the floor or, a group voodoo ritual.
251 I also discovered that through the relationship with my neighbor I could heal myself, and sweep all the demons away, which was a tremendous reliefmaking it all the more irresistible! And while it was typically explicit, it was quite profound and, beautiful. And through the many representations that followed, I concluded this is what heaven was expressly about, the sharing of this love between two consorts. And so concurs with one of Swedenborg's main findings, that conjugal love is the first and primary love that proceeds from God. Whereby my aim was to conquer the whole world and establish my religion, in order to maintain relations with my beautiful virgin bride. Which is precisely what Dionysus, the divine androgyny, in accord with conjugal love, set out to do, conquer the world and establish his religion!
252 One thing that corroborates my experiences here is what happened the night I let the dog (the collie) in the house. I just started letting her in at night for I considered it a token of my relationship with her owner, and this was my way of staying close, spiritually. And by petting it and talking to it, I sensed a more direct means of transmission. Thus I had been working with my illustrations and representations and projecting them across the road, and built up a vivid portrayal of our marriage or wedding, only to get assaulted by the spirits and have it all come falling down, once doubt crept in. Finally, the images were gone and I was left exhausted, groping in the dark. The spirit was completely drained, and I felt close to death.
253 At some point I fell asleep, only to awake with the dog standing over me, looking me in the face. And this spiritual energy or charge came pouring back in, from the tip of the dog's snout directly into my foreheada direct transference! It was the most unusual thing, for I felt completely revitalized and my heaven was restored. I believe it took on this quality from being in a constant state of flux, as energy. Now there was no mistake, something other than my mind's imagery was involved, which only reaffirmed my goal was still obtainable. So I had to keep going!
254 Perhaps this can give you a clue about the scope of what's involved here. And so I should mention Roy Masters. Having been my mentor for so long, it seemed only fitting that he play an integral part as well; which, is how I portrayed him, and we were soon doing everything hand-in-hand. While at one point I raised my hands to heaven and beseeched God, and enlisted the aid of all the saints or, those who had gone to heaven and died as martyrs (n264; n4:62; n13:19). Because it was so far reaching, I felt it was critical to have as many alliances as I could, and it wasn't long before I turned to Jesus. Hence I was the one who was fighting the war, the outcome of which I portrayed as a crown of victoryan awesome crown, with the most elaborate detailthat I eventually handed over to Him. I later deduced he was only a spirit, who only thought he was Jesus, for he didn't know who I was and I had to fill him in with the details. Yet I yielded all my power to him and, between him and Roy, these were my main accomplices. Both later turned on me.
255 Without a doubt, the one temptation represented here is the eighth commandment, "Thou shalt not steal." Which was fully realized the night I claimed everything belonging to the husband, a long succession of thingshis wife, car, family, personal effects, etc.and drew them across the road to my palace. It was an ongoing process. And I was set on getting it! Yet it really would have gotten out of hand if I didn't try and confirm it with my neighbors. Thus having acquired the idea of restitution from Roy (n216), this is what fueled my sense of purpose, and in essence was the source of the temptation. Whether he acknowledges it or not, Roy encourages other people to steal. I also would have refrained if I understood these spirits were real, and would have been less inclined to interfere with their world.
256 Throughout most of my ordeal I had been confiding with my boss, and keeping him abreast of the events. He seemed open to it, in the sense that he knew people who went crazy, and still recovered. And he spoke of his brother getting strung out on drugs, much of which reflected his own past. His main concern was that I could still function and be productive, and not get over zealous with the other employees. Indeed I had gotten very enthusiastic, but most of it was directed towards him. And before long I was telling him about marrying my neighbor's wife, which he didn't find too amusing but, he didn't overreact.
257 Of course it only went so far, and I began to think my bossand the otherswere not receptive enough to my ideas. Nobody wanted to partake in my enthusiasm! So after getting upset and pointing the accusing finger at my boss, I quit and walked off the job. I said he was only wasting my time, and felt my work was too important to be jeopardized by such ignorant people. But hey, now I could devote my full attention to my neighbors, i.e., the images in my mind. How sad! All of this happened early in December.
258 Soon afterwards I was spending all my time projecting things across the road. And in some ways I'm reminded of the prophet Ezekiel, who was commanded to lay on his side and prophesy against the house of Israel (n9:6). While it was about the time I staged an illustration of a dragon, which I portrayed as Christ or, that aspect of dangerHis Angerwhich is evoked when confronting The Divine. It was an awesome sight, and I honestly believed this was it. But I didn't fully comprehend its significance and, thinking it would impart the necessary wisdom, I allowed myself to be consumed (taken inside). A delicate matter indeed, to look God in the face, with the prospect of being annihilated!
259 Once inside there were numerous people, coordinating its efforts. And within its belly was a second beast, a crocodile, which the dragon consumed, portraying a more interior aspect. Again I let myself be consumed, and inside there were people too. And within its belly was a very large rat, which I also opted to explore, but felt I was too close to being expelled, as waste, and winding up on the other side. Nor did I glean the substantial wisdom. So I opted to evolve away and explore something less intense, i.e., I couldn't do so abruptly, for these images were now integrated with my psyche. The whole episode transpired over a few hours.
260 I later staged a battle where I fought the dragon, as it was primarily a religious struggle. So I had to fight a dragon! But I was fighting with the wrong energymy angerand it soon became a fixation. And though my cause seemed just, I couldn't fight brute force with brute force, which only gave it more energy. The more I struggled the more fixated I became, and the bigger it got, with greater detail. I could even see the detail on its scales! It was quite scary! and, I finally had to succumb to the futility. Its intensity epitomizes many of the experiences which followed. While I later had a vision, as I awoke from a dream, of the dragon chasing a man dressed up as a prisonerwhich was me!
261 With all its emotional ups and downs, my account with my neighbors was a veritable roller coaster ride. And yet, it was drawing to a close. It was about this time that I projected a gruesome scenario, where the husband in a fit of rage, butchered the whole family, and blood was spattered everywhere. And I quickly ran over with a hammer in my hand, but there she stood in the front window, in a white dress, and she looked beautiful! i.e., I had portrayed her as a bride dressed in white. It was a bewildering sightand puzzlingand I quickly ran off.
262 Later that day, a policeman came to the door, and said I should leave my neighbors alone, or else suffer the indignity of being arrested. I half-heartedly agreed and he left. While the voices were insisting I tell him I was the Devil, which would lessen my eternal conflictbut by no means alleviate itwhen I went to hell. The tension had already begun and the spirit who claimed to be Jesus insisted I believe this. Thus being the Devil, everything I touched was condemned, and would only add to my torture later, unless I was forthright about my identity and encourage those around me to flee! And of course, with the disturbance I created, to them I was the Devil.
263 This spirit also spoke of other Devils throughout history, and said from time to time someone was selected to fulfill this role, for it was a critical part of his plan. And I was the biggest Devil he'd ever seen! And he spoke of Lucifer, the fallen angel, and compared him to me. He said my beauty or idealized attitude, developed in accord with Roy and my relations with my wife, had surpassed everyone else anddue to a lack of controlwas inciting everyone to do monstrous things. And he was there to prepare me to become the most despicable hideous creature imaginable. So much for disturbing God's throne!
264 Needless to say, suicide became my only option, and the spirits were relentless. Yet it went against the grain of what I believed and I was dead set against it: i.e., only martyrs according to Roy went to heaven (n254), and all the rest were damned. But the spirits persisted, saying each moment I delayed compounded my sufferingexponentiallyand would bring about another eternity of suffering. There was more than one eternity? What a fate! While they were explicit about the details, and said if I slipped up even in the most minor detail, all was lost, another means of keeping up the tension. I finally worked up the nerve and, after pulling a paring knife from the kitchen drawer, I lay back on the couch and tried slitting my throat. But the knife was dull! As much pressure as I applied, and after doing it two or three times, it didn't break the skin. It was the sharpest knife I had! Although it left a red mark on my neckfrom ear to earthat lasted nearly a week. Of course I was the Devil and I couldn't do anything right!
265 I struggled with this for the next couple of days, as the pressure continued to mount. At one point I lay on my foam mattress on the floor, where I had slept since I moved, and watched in horror as the spirits sliced me into pieceslike a watermelon! Due to the vision of the steelhead trout, I had portrayed myself as a steelhead swimming up my virgin stream. And at times I swam out to the ocean to do battle with the sharks, to protect my interests upstream. It had become a main theme. But because of my methods, violence in particular, I wasn't much better than they were, and soon became the sharkthe biggest shark of all! similar to my experience with the dragon (n260). And I could actually feel the slice of the sword, with each swipe it took.
266 The tension was becoming unbearable and I could no longer lay there and watch. So I got up and ran outside into the woodsbarefoot! But there was a group of children and their parents (or teachers?) walking by, which was unusual for it was a rural area and hardly anyone walked down the road. So I decided they didn't need to see me and made my way back into the house. This may have been when I heard what sounded like gunshots and, thinking my neighbor had done something atrocious, I decided to call the cops. I had also called them once before about gunshots, early on.
267 I still didn't have my phone hooked up but knew I had to get to a phone. But I couldn't find my glasses! I frantically got in my truck and started to drive, but wasn't sure where to stop; I believe I was trying to get to the store a few miles away. I finally stopped at someone's house about a half-mile from the store and knocked on the door. I asked if I could make the call and they showed me in. I don't recall much, except I was highly agitated and made the call and left. Unfortunately I pulled in front of their van, it belonged to the person who was visiting, and pulled ahead of it. It was a gravel driveway and the van was parked sideways. This was my mistake, for I was in such a hurry to leave that I floored it and smacked into the side of the vanleaving a huge dent! Of course I wasn't wearing my glasses!
268 They came running out and were noticeably upset, but I didn't know what to do, for I had intended to go to the FHU. And I said, "Man, I've got to go!" They were getting very verbal, and threatening, and said, "You better not leave! I knew it was against the law to leave an accident. But I felt it was necessary and said, "I have to! But I'll be back!" And I sped off. I continued down the highway, past the store, and got onto the freeway and continued on to Grants Pass. While I remember driving through town and looking down all the cross-streets, unable to make anything out clearly without my glasses. All the while I pondered the fate that lay in wait.
269 I finally reached the FHU and drove into the parking lot. I got out and headed for the main office and was approached by one of the staff members. I was still agitated and told him I heard some gunshots and thought something bad happened. He just looked at me with kind of a dumb stare. Like, "What are you doing here? This is not our business." He was really exercising what had been so thoroughly infused through his trainingno response. It was obvious this was going nowhere in a hurry so I left, and got back onto the freeway and headed back to Merlin.