350 One day at the outpatient program they had us write a short story, which I wasn't too thrilled about, for it seemed silly and I was feeling a little ornery. And I wrote something dark and foreboding and was somewhat amused, and didn't think much else of it, and later walked back to my hotel room. It was clearly a result of my not taking the medication, however.
351 A couple of hours later I realized I forgot something or, had to ask one of the staff members something, and walked back to the center. When I got there, they were in the other room talking and the door was open; nor were they aware I just walked in. And one of the staff members was noticeably upset, and talking about me. He said, "I can't believe Dennis! He was doing so well, and now he pulls a stunt like this!" I figured that was all I needed to hear, and walked back to the hotel, called my mother and, after driving eight hours the next day, showed up at her door. I didn't realize what I wrote was so bad, although it was a bit off the wall, and just didn't want to deal with it. This was in the middle of September, 1987.
352 I went back and talked to somebody about it later, about the time I went back to work for my boss in Grants Pass I believe (n12:31). I told them what happened and said I started taking multi-vitamins shortly afterwards and, most of my problems cleared up. Except now I was entertaining my visions, and appeared to get a handle on it. I'm not sure I told them that? And they said, "Oh, why didn't you say something, you could have taken a medication holiday," although it was too late by then. Nor did I relish the idea of doing it under their scrutiny and being put under their thumb. Plus it wouldn't have made any difference without taking the multi-vitamins.
353 And so my 13th residence involved moving back in with my mother. I told her I didn't intend to stay long, and would like to try and relocate to Grants Pass. Here I am repeating the same odd numbered pattern (318). I was just getting together the makings of a book, more so the notes and drawings, and wanted to talk to Roy Masters and possibly get a job working at the FHU. While at some point I spoke to Dorothy over the phone (n6:77; n9:13) and told her my intentions, and she had no qualms about loaning me the $300 I said I needed. It was something I didn't ordinarily do, accept money, but it seemed like she really wanted to help. Nor was I the one who brought it up. It was also about the time I started taking multi-vitamins.
354 So my fourteenth residence involved moving back to Grants Pass, and in early November I headed back up. I didn't stop there initially though, but opted to camp out along the Umpqua River northeast of Grants Pass, then along Highway 62 and the Upper Rogue River north of Shady Cove. So I didn't arrive in Grants Pass until mid November. This is also when I began portraying these spiritual battles in mind, out in the wilderness, and continued doing so over the next two years.
355 One thing I found amusing, happened before I got to town, when camping along the Rogue River and Highway 62. I found a large clearing in a wooded area, that led down to the river. It was shrouded in trees and shady most of the time, and cool that time of the year, although you could still see patches of sky when looking up. I parked at the top of a moderate grade strewn with rocks and boulders embedded in the ground leading towards the river. And, although it was fairly bumpy, you could still get down to the river if you wanted, which was 30 to 40 feet away. I found a fairly level spot pointing towards the river, and took 10 to 15 minutes to position my truck. Once done, I figured I was all set. One thing I forgot to do, however, was set the parking brake or put it in gear, thus leaving it sit there in neutral. It completely slipped my mind, mainly because I spent too much time trying to park and got distracted. It should have taken only a few minutes.
356 It was still in the afternoon and I got out to scout the area and take in the scenery. It was quite beautiful, as it was up in the mountains, it was well-wooded, and the river was nearly crystal clear as it flowed swiftly across the rapids. I also discovered, behind a thicket of trees out towards the highway, the remains of a deer somebody butchered, mostly the limbs, and it still looked fresh. It was rather gruesome, and I wondered if the hunter might return or, if it might attract bears. I still felt fairly safe where I was at, so I didn't bother moving.
357 It was starting to get dark as I made something to eat and slipped into the cab, and either listened to the radio or read for a couple of hours. I then hopped into the back, where I setup a backpacking tent on a piece of plywood, with a mattress or mattress pad under the sleeping bag. So it was pretty cozy. I then got undressed and slipped into the tent. I lay there for at least a few hours, am not sure if I fell asleep? when I had to get up and go pee. I then got out of the tent and stood up, and peed over the side of the pickup bed, and slipped back into the tent and got in bed.
358 I didn't lay there long, when suddenly the sides of the pickup started rocking up and down which, I thought was a bear coming over to investigate, standing on its hind legs and shaking the side of the pickup bed. And I gave out such a yell, at the top of my lungs, the loudest I ever recall yelling! except perhaps as a kid. I was that scared! I didn't know what else to think? About 20 seconds later the rocking stopped, and I just lay there until morning, wondering if that was the end of it. Again, it didn't occur to me that I forgot to set the parking brake!
359 Come morning I got out of the tent to look around, and lo and behold, there was the bank of the river only four feet from my truck! What happened, was that in getting up and down to go to the bathroom, the truck started rolling down hill and the shaking was caused by rolling over the rocks and boulders. So I was that far away from getting swept away by the rapids! Lucky me! I was also aware at the time that a bear signified ignorance (n9:20) and, that a river signified the understanding (n2:5; n4:20), so I've always kind of wondered what was meant by this? And, all the way back to Grants Pass I'm thinking, "A bear signifies ignorance!" Of course there was no actual bear but, the image conjured up in my mind was quite vivid.
360 When I got to town, I opted to stay at the same hotel as before (n346) and paid a months rent up front. It also spoke with David at the FHU at this time (n13:62) and wrote the letter I refer to in chapter 8 (n1). I was hoping Roy Masters would be there but he wasn't, so I had to talk to David instead. He was rather abrupt with me though, and I wrote him the letter the next day. I stayed another two or three weeks, until the hotel rent was due, but nothing else happened, so I decided to go back to California once again (n13:68).
361 I did figure out the significance of the bear, ignorance and Highway 62, however: the FHU's ignorance and uncircumcised attitude or, ignorance in general, what I discuss further in chapter 9 (n9:17-31). Although I didn't figure it out until I started writing about it here. As for the number 62, this is where both the marriage (7) and circumcision (8) occurs, between the 6th and 2nd aspects of the cross (n6:58) which, is where we'd expect to find Justine (8) shed the bearskin of ignorance (n4:85)along highway 62! Either that or at the door to the Foundation of Human Understanding, for as I said above, a river signifies the understanding (n359), and it basically pertains to them. So that's about the gist of it.
362 I also found out Highway 62, which is also called Crater Lake Highway, starts about a half-mile before crossing over Bear Creek in Medford (n12:20). This is where I last saw my friend John, at the local Fred Meyer store on Crater Lake Highway in 1984. And he agreed to come over and see my new mobile home at my seventh residence (n153). He was also getting ready to head back to his property in Selma, which is unusual, for in chapter 12 I describe the New Church (n10,20), and equate Medford with the Church of Philadelphia, the 6th church, and Selma with of the Church Smyrna, the 2nd church. And so, once again, the number 62. Now all we need is another bear, and of course John refers to a bear digging in his garbage cans when visiting my sixth residence (n144) which, almost directly correlates to the Bear and the Garbage Can in chapter 9! (n17).
363 After I left Grants Pass and the incident with the three pigs occurred along the highway at the California border (n13:69), my fifteenth residence involved moving back in with my mother, for about a month-and-a-half. That was until I could make arrangements with the Sonoma County Mental Health Agency, to live at a homeless shelter or, kind of a halfway house. This is when I met the seventh David, in accord with the Five Roy's and Seven David's (n4:6; n13:66), who was the counselor in charge of the program. And so it became my sixteenth residence, as I refer to in chapter 4 (n10), where I received the fourteen images of Gerarai. And for one or two months, they had a time limit, the county agreed to pay the nominal rent and give me food vouchers, if I applied for general assistance and worked for the county two or three days a week.
364 The time was soon up though, and I found myself living with my mother again, at my seventeenth residence, repeating the same odd numbered pattern (n318). This was only for a month or two though, for I had made arrangements with the county to get in on some housing program that was supposed to be available in May. I really tried to keep from infringing on my mother, but it wasn't easy, for there weren't many places I could go. Nor did I have much in terms of a sense of direction. I also believe this is when I had the experiences with Chief Joseph in chapter 9 (n1).
365 I was supposed to move into an apartment with two other people, who were in a similar situation. And, as soon as it became available I did. And so it became my eighteenth residence. It wouldn't last for more than one or two months though, for I began to have problems with one of the counselors pestering me about looking for work. I was also getting food stamps, which was contingent upon my doing a job search and making twenty-five contacts per month, which I didn't accomplish. I was trying to do all of this, together with working for the county, plus having tried a couple of jobs that didn't work out. So it's not like I wasn't trying.
366 I just got back from work one day, digging ditches or something for the county, and I was tired and didn't feel like being nagged at. At this point I hadn't really disclosed the nature of my problems, to him or anyone else, except that I'd spent some time in the mental hospital and had gone through the Mental Health Services in Oregon. Needless to say I had problems motivating myself. This was something we needed to talk about in other words. And yet, because of his approach, as too bossy and meddlesome, more of an administrative type, he didn't deserve to know anything more than I was leaving. So I picked up all my stuff and put it into my truck and headed back to my mother's. Whereby my nineteenth residence involved moving back in with my mother.
367 I don't recall if my mother's landlord began to complain about my staying there, he did at one point, but around the first or second of July (1988), I headed back up to Grants Pass and wound up camping out along the Applegate River for about three weeks (n13:68-69). It was actually a few miles south of Grants Pass, about a mile east of the Watering Hole Tavern on Highway 238 in Murphy. Highway 238 is also called Williams Highway (n383 below). While I remember driving by a few times when I lived in Grants Pass, and there's a fairly large clearing between the road and the river, but with no visible access. That's because there's a steep embankment along the road with lots of trees and shrubs that obscured the view and, unless you looked close enough you won't see it. But, since I was intent on finding a place to park my truck, I stopped and took a closer look, and sure enough there it was.
368 So I drove down the embankment, it wasn't too steep, and into the clearing and another hundred feet or so across the gravel to the river, and parked in a thicket of trees that wasn't too visible from the highway. And I'm thinking, "Man this is ideal," and so it became my 20th residence. My only concern was that because it was so close to town and, at the start of summer, a lot of folks would use this as access to get to the river. Meaning there goes any semblance of privacy. But, all that time, I don't recall seeing more than half-a-dozen people. It was actually quite pleasant.
369 I also remember contacting my former boss when I first got there (n12:31), but they weren't busy and had no work. While on July 11th, it had been three-and-a-half years or, 42 monthsa time, a times and half a timesince the incidents with the evil spirits began on January 11th, 1985 (n169,178). And I officially declared myself cured, having gotten my mind back, and developed the ability to maintain my spiritual projections. And, now that I was back in the woods, like my fourteenth residence (n354), although I continued to work with my projections during the interim, I opened things up full bore.
370 While the first thing I did was declare war on Roy Masters, in earnest, and aimed it specifically at his relationship with his wife, although indicative to his relationship with women in general (n9:17-24). I just thought by making it more personal, it was a better means of grabbing everyone's attention and, became the ultimate wake-up call. Basically I had announced my presence, saying I was a force to be reckoned with and won't go ignored. While I continued to scold and chide them, Roy and the FHU, and setup various scenarios for the next two-and-a-half weeks.
371 A week or two after I got there, sometime after July 11th, a young woman pulled off the highway and drove past the truck and parked about 120 feet up river. She stayed in her car for a couple of hours, and got out to look around a couple of times, and later that afternoon came walking up to me. She approached from the east and the sun was just starting to set and shining directly in her face, and she had her hand over her forehead trying to make out the image of my face. And, although that was likely the cause, she looked at me almost out of amazement, as if to say, "Wow, who is this guy?" And it reminded me exactly of the image of Karen (7) (n4:72,84), which is the bride's acknowledgment of the bridegroom, at the onset of heavenly marriagewhich, is what occurred to me. While it was the first and only time I had seen anything like this, outside of its portrayal in the magazine (n4:10-11). So yeah, I'm also going, Wow!
372 We stepped away from the sun, closer to my truck and started to chat. She said her name was Chris and she had just been dumped by her boyfriend and had no place to stay. And I started to think, due to her approach, could this be Ariadne who just got dumped by Theseus? (n12:65; n15:23). And I said I'd been there over a week, and I too had no place to stay but, I enjoyed staying there because it was nice and quiet. I don't recall saying anything about being a practicing mystic or not? We chatted a bit more, and I said if she didn't have a place to stay, she could stay with me if she liked, although the accommodations weren't the greatest. She said she appreciated the offer and would keep it in mind and went back to her car and spent the night there.
373 She left early the next day, but came back later with a couple of her friends and proceeded to party it up, which I found a bit annoying. They continued until early that evening when they started a barbecue and she came over and asked if I would like something to eat. I said I had just eaten and, that I preferred being by myself, but thanked her anyway. So she went back to her friends and all three stayed the night, and they all left the next day and didn't come back.
374 After taking Roy Masters to task, the next thing on the list was the Christian Fundamentalists or, the Church of the Reformed. This was a group Roy Masters continued to demonize, although I think it had more to do with the evangelical types on radio and TV and, being Roy's predecessor, but less original and more corrupt, it seemed logical that I target them next. So basically I took the whole lot of them and cast them into hell with the Hells Angels, the motorcycle gang, yet all I could sense was anguish, having put them in with the likes of murderers and rapists. Not to say all Hells Angels are like this, it's just the general idea. And I realized it was wrong, for the vast majority at least, when your only crime is being ignorant and na´ve. So I spent the next few days trying to sort it out.
375 It was starting to get intense and I no longer felt comfortable where I stayed, and either the day I started or, the next, I opted to head to the Rogue River west of Merlin, and found a place to camp along Ennis Riffle (n8:23) near Galice. It's funny, because I was just getting ready to leave when the owner of the property showed up, he lived across the river, who said he didn't like me using the place as a toiletalbeit much of it was absorbed back into the groundand asked that I leave. So the timing couldn't have been more appropriate.
376 For the next three or four days I camped out along the Rogue River, trying to effect a resolution. Neither can you walk away from this sort of thing once setup, for it's a lot like hypnosis and getting locked into the scenario you've established in your mind. So you'd better be prepared to stick it out, for you've now become the guide to insure these spirits are processed to the other side of the experience. Which if you don't do or, do it correctly, it could easily come back and haunt you, via the mind's imagery, bad thoughts, etc. Or, if you really don't get a handle on it, it's likely to escalate and you're looking at the possibility of being institutionalized (n333; n5:19-23).
377 After lying in the back of my truck the next few days, with some very intense moments, neither of which is untypical, I managed to patch things up well enough to send everyone on their merry way, and most of the trauma was cleared up. In fact I met up with some of these folks later on in a dream, where they all had their wings and we were all buddy-buddy, as they escorted me across some region below their heaven or, what they thought of as heaven.
378 I could tell it was them because they immediately befriended me, as if they knew me, plus the fact that they all had wingslike angelswhich, although it's commonly portrayed this way in art and literature, is not common at all in heaven. Most angels have a body which, like us, appears to them as physical, yet it is in fact spiritual. And so helped further the idea that they were simple and na´ve. They were all quite cordial, however, and had no ill-will towards me whatsoever. In fact it was quite pleasant. Nor could I help think they weren't any worse off for having gone through the experience.
379 I had been in Oregon for close to a month now but, since there weren't any prospects for work, although I hadn't really looked, I decided to head back to California. And, while driving through Grants Pass, as I got ready to turn south on Highway 199, I got pulled over for having expired plates on my truck. Which I had no intention of doing anything about, because I had no address and I was headed back to California. As soon as I got to Selma, after driving over Hayes Hill and finding a place to pull over, I drove my truck behind a thicket of trees and camped out there for the next two or three days, thinking about what I should do. I then headed back to California.
380 So here I was back at my mother's house, at my 21st residence, repeating the same and final odd numbered pattern (n318). And, since the landlord started complaining about my staying here, either here or previously (n367), I knew I couldn't stay long. And two or three weeks later I headed out of town up Highway 101 towards Willits, which is a small community in Mendicino County, soon after you enter the redwoods. I also had some cousins who lived here 20-30 years before that, which is why it stood out in my mind.
381 I then drove about 10 miles west on Highway 20, just as you enter the Coastal Range and the trees begin to blanket the mountains. And I found a forest service road at the top of a steep downgrade, before the highway proceeded downhill and out to the coast. I then drove about a half-mile into the trees and, where the road took a sudden steep turn to the left, I ducked in underneath to where the truck was barely visible. And there was a small clearing, that was relatively level and large enough for the truck. There were also some fir trees that obscured the view from the road. While off to the left, was a steep embankment which, if you hiked down 50 to 60 feet, there was a small steam, which I did every two or three days to fetch some water. And so this became my 22nd residence.
382 There was also a tourist attraction called the Skunk Train, which headed this way out of town and, at some point turned around. And I'm reminded of the comparison between Roy Masters and skunks in Prudence (n4:62). And, being my 22nd residence, in accord with Justine (8) and circumcision (n4:83; n9:9), it too seems to apply (n13:56). While I remember focusing on these ideas when I first got there, but don't recall much detail. It wasn't altogether different from what happened at my 20th residence, however, where I lay in the back of my truck making my projections.
383 While curiously the reciprocal of Highway 20and, residence 20? (n367)is the number 02 which, when added equals 22 (n4:103). It's funny because the number 20, in accord with Vanessa (6) (n4:66), signifies the wife (6) or the will in the marriage relationship (n1:36; n3:5). Whereby the numbers 20 and 22, regarding circumcision and my 22nd residence, signifies circumcising that will which, is also the man's penis. So, is it any wonder this occurred along Highway 20, just 10 miles west of Willits? See the connection? On top of that, my 20th residence occurred along Williams Highway (n367), about 10 miles northwest of Williams. Wow!
384 Beyond that, when camping out in Selma (n379), I was trying to decide what to do about my 21st residence. And, come to find out, Selma (2), together with Cave Junction (1), while heading back to California, were the first two correspondences of the New Church (n12:1). Which, are portrayed by the number 21, and signify the marriage (21) prior to circumcision (22) (n3:6; n4:83). This is precisely what I was reflecting on, in terms of the number 21 at least. Also, the Illinois River, regarding Illinois the 21st state (n6:67), runs from Cave Junction to just west of Selma, thus reiterating the idea. And, where the number 21 signifies the marriage (7), and the number 22 signifies circumcision (8), the number 272 which, in relation to Vanessa (6) and the number 20 above (n383), applies as well (n6:58). And so furthers the procession between my 20th, 21st and 22nd residences. Again, wow!
385 Although I don't recall much about Roy Masters, there were a couple of relations I do remember. The first was a dream, where I was in the bedroom with a French woman and, although nothing happened, sexual implications were implied. And yet the bed wasn't made, and she expressed no interest at all in making it, not that I was pressuring her or anything. So I walked over and, assuming a cheerful attitude, thinking it nice to have a cozy little house, with the prospect of someone to share it with, I started making the bed. And suddenly the whole room became enlivened, and the sheets and bedding became posh and elegant looking. And she looks over at me with a confounded look, as if to say, "Huh, how did that happen?" Which was about the time I woke up!
386 In the second relation, I dreamt I was at a small electronics firm, that manufactured electronic circuit boards, and mostly women worked there. And as I walked through the main department, I started feeling nervous and anxiouslike a woman. And suddenly I was in an exercise room, and there were two cops, lifting weights, and they were muscular and buff looking. And they were casual and relaxed, and didn't seem to have care in the world, displaying no outside aggression whatsoever. And we proceeded to have the most pleasant conversation! I later surmised that if there were cops in heaven, they must be like this, for which reason I called them rubber cops! For they were flexible and malleable, and would bend in most every conceivable way, just to help somebody out.
387 After camping out for about two weeks, I started running out of food. I was already rationing what I had, for I didn't have much to begin with. I then started to keep an eye out for grasshoppers, wondering if I could eat them? Then one day I caught one, and bit its abdomen off and started chewing on it, and spit it out because I couldn't stomach it. It was probably a good thing, because I later heard you could get tapeworms from eating raw grasshoppers. Now, if I had caught a half-dozen or so and started roasting them, that might have been a different story.
388 After going hungry for five or six days, I decided to head to town and talk to the Social Services people, and explain I was homeless and had been shifting around the past couple years and, spent time in the mental hospital. I hoped they could set me up with some form of housing, through general assistance or whatever, similar to what happened in Grants Pass at my twelfth residence (n339). They were decent enough when they talked to me, but said they didn't have the resources, but offered to put me up in a motel room for a week and gave me some food stamps, which was nice of them.
389 So, for the next week I stayed in the motel room watching the Summer Olympics in China! I then packed everything into my truck and headed back to Santa Rosa. It's too bad I didn't ask for $5 or $10 for gas!