32  Which again brings up the part about casting the Devil out of heaven above (n29), on April 1st, 1987. For it isn't until the archangel Michael does battle with him in Revelation 12:7, that he gets cast down (verses 8-9). Which is essentially what happened in 1987, after I developed the symbolism in chapter 5 (n17) and illustrated it in my mind. In a demonstrative way I might add! Meaning if I hadn't done this, nothing would have happened. So here I would have represented Michael. Which sounds about right, for my mother seriously considered naming me Michael. While it's interesting what the Kabalarian definition of Michael says:


33  While something similar is reflected in my battle with Michael (n16:1), for this person Mike got the idea, through various correspondences, that this is who he represented. Either that or he was using it to mess with my brains, probably a little of both. Yet what he really accomplished, almost, is take away what was truly genuine and sincere about me, and pervert it into a form of psycho-babble. And, with all the subliminal messaging, in effect steal my essence or soul. While in Swedenborg's account of Michael in The Apocalypse Revealed, he says Michael signifies those who confirm from the Word (the bible) that the Lord is the God of heaven and earth and, that men ought to live by the Ten Commandments. And from this they have charity and faith. I know these are my beliefs!

34  Evidence of this, particularly the part about the Ten Commandments, is illustrated by my first ten residences in chapter 11 (n90). Which, as I said, corresponds to their development in my personal life, albeit there's nothing requiring you to accept this. Thus having established their correspondence, it was time to move back in with my mother and bear testimony to what it meant. And being my eleventh residence (n11:332), where the number 11 signifies testimony (n8), it tends to concur with the testimony of Michael, towards the end of March, 1987 (n5:17).

35  And here twelve years later, around April Fools Day, I told David (n19) this was Lucifer's Day or, the fall thereof, that this guy Mike yields most of his power from above—as if lording it over me—and gets cast down so to speak. From whence the battle ensues and culminates on April 4th, Easter Sunday. Which, was the twelve year anniversary of the worst day of my life! (n5:23). And, while the battle continued up until the time I wrote this, June 27th, 1999, I gained most of my abilities back, and then some, and Mike and I have since established an uneasy alliance. And, much in the way I had to go through many trials and tribulations to discover who Dionysus was, I think this is what Mike needs to discover, who Michael is not. Indeed he's not the person I thought he was, and it's been my misfortune to discover how cruel and mentally tough he really is. Which he has no business exercising over anybody! And yet, it all seems to coincide with the initial fierce resistance Dionysus encounters when he first appears.

Columbine Massacre

36  All of which was underscored by what happened the day I brought in a copy of the book for Julie to read, on Tuesday, April 20th, 1999. I intended to print it up over the weekend, but was so caught up battling the forces in my mind with Michael (n32), that I couldn't find the resolve to do it. While it continued through Monday night, both Mike and I continuing our illustrations, when he gestures me towards a field of wheat or something? And I'm thinking, "You know, I really don't care to be coerced into these things," whereby explaining the nature our struggle, and cast into the field a swarm of locusts, signifying lust, and the whole field was consumed. In flames? And when I turned the light out to go bed, the song, The End of the Innocence, by Don Henley came over the radio. I typically sleep with the radio on. And I'm thinking this is not a good sign, before trying to dismiss it.

37  But moments later everything opened up, as I portrayed the heavenly marriage before Joseph Campbell, my idea of him in heaven, and it finally felt like I had the go ahead. The next morning I began printing a copy of the first ten chapters for Julie, as well as a copy for David (n19). But it was taking too long, so I had to call and say I'd be a few hours late for work. Thus when I got there, and I'm about to hand the book to Julie, she has a long look on her face and says, "Have you been listening to the radio?" And I said, "No, I've been too busy getting the book together. What's up?" Come to find out, during those few hours I was late, the Columbine Massacre in Denver, Colorado occurred! And I'm thinking this is not a good time, yet she already knew I had the book. So we talked a bit about the massacre, before I handed her the book, which she graciously accepted. And sure enough, the first page she opens, is position 13 of chapter 7! (n54). Which I didn't bother trying to explain, except that the sex was only part of the book. What else could I say?

Two Daphne's

38  That's pretty much the extent of what happened at work, except I tried explaining to Julie why she so was important to me, saying she represented the heavenly bride—i.e., everybody's in love with Julie. While I believe I've presented enough evidence here to suggest this was so. And I tentatively asked if there was any possibility she might take an interest in me but, she said she had been seeing someone for a over a year and effectively said no. Since the incident with the daphne plant? (n13). Yet it was still news to me, for it wasn't something she went around broadcasting. And I really thought there might be something there. But then I must have misconstrued this endearing quality of hers. Oh Julie Beloved!

39  As it was, the company was starting to downsize, and I was getting laid off on April 23rd. While on the same day I gave her the book I believe, she went outside to have a cigarette and, after sitting on the lawn, came back in complaining about the fleas, biting and eating her alive! And I said that's strange, I've never heard of that before, but she said she'd always had that problem. And I later realized there was a fresh water flea, called the daphnia flea! There it is right there! Anyway, my last day arrived shortly afterwards, and we all went to the Chinese restaurant and said our good-byes. That was the last time I saw Julie.

40  And while driving home on the freeway, I was wondering what I could possibly do to convey my feelings towards Julie? When all of a sudden the traffic came to a halt, and when I looked over at the car next to me, I noticed the license plate, which said, VSW 656. And I said there's the number 65 again, just like the note Julie dug out of the trash, which said R650 (n26), except the 0 had now become a 6. And I said that's it! Here is the bride (6), looking at the bridegroom (5), looking back at the bride (6). Meaning, "If only she knew how I felt about her?" And I said, Well, what does VSW mean? And a moment later I knew: Very Sweet Woman. Which is precisely what I was thinking! (n18).

Vision of Julie

41  This was on Friday, and on Saturday I opted to send Julie an email explaining this, and convey some of my other feelings. Of how she became the apple of my eye (n15), but I was reluctant to say anything. Of how she was like Daphne wading in my thought stream, and touched me deeply. While referring to the two dreams where she came up and said "Hi" (n17), and mentioning her unusual allergy to fleas (n39). I sent the email on Saturday night, knowing she wouldn't receive it until Monday, when she got to work. So here it is Monday morning, and I had just fallen back asleep, with my problems sleeping (n38), when I awoke and had a vision of Julie's face. It was radiant! As if lit up by the sun. And it was beautiful, and full of love! And I looked over at the clock which said, 7:30, and I thought, "I wonder if she just opened the email?" For she started work at 7:00. So here it is, the woman clothed with the sun in Revelation 12. Daphne beloved? (n4:23).

42  This was quite encouraging, and later that day I called Darlene at work, and asked for the address, for I told Julie I would send her a hard copy. And while Darlene wasn't especially nosy, and did what she could to get the address, she eventually asked, "What is this a love letter?" At which point I broke down and began to explain a lot of things. Specifically the parts about the bridegroom (5) and bride (6), Julie's relationship to Daphne and, the number 43. And when I told her I just turned 43, which represented the New Church (n22), together with the number 12, 12 years since 1987 (n1), she asked what year I was born? And I said 1956, hence the bridegroom and the bride (56). And she said she was born in 1943, and would be turning 56 that year so, maybe she was Daphne? Indeed there's something to be said there!

Bugs Buny and Company

43  The first and obvious correlation is with the birth dates, she was born in 43' and I was born in 56'. I had just turned 43 and she would be turning 56. Also, when adding the numbers 43 and 56, you get 99, which is Daphne's number (n4:20). And here we are talking about The Advent of Daphne in 1999! While the number 56 portrays the bridegroom (5) and the bride (6), which as I say in Rachel (n4:124), signifies true love. And so brings up something that happened in the last month at work. One of the other ladies received an email with all the Bugs Bunny characters—Bugs Bunny, Sylvester, Tweetie Pie, Daffy Duck, Pepe Le Pewe, etc.—which asked you to choose your favorite character, before describing your love life.

44  So when she asked me to choose a character, without knowing all the details, I said, "Well, none of them really do much for me, but for some reason Daffy Duck stands out." And when she read the description it said I was cute in an annoying way and, although I hadn't found my true love yet (56), it was right around the corner. And she looked at me she said, "Yeah! That's you!" and busted up laughing. When I asked to look at the list again, I noticed Daffy Duck was listed 5th, and said hmm, here's the bridegroom (5). And I thought here was another sign, hopefully, and was tempted say I was Daffy about Daphne. But because I hadn't fully disclosed my feelings about Julie, nor did I think she knew who Daphne was, I didn't want to go there.

Send a Daffy Duck e-card?

Daffy Duck Daffy Duck Daffy Duck Daffy Duck

45  An hour or so later she started talking about Darlene's character, Pepe Le Pew, and although I don't recall exactly, it was something about being very loving. Sound like the description of the bride? Indeed Pepe Le Pew was listed 6th! And so the bride (6). While Darlene is a very likeable person, who has the same endearing qualities, and I would be a liar if I said I never had feelings for her. So in that respect the number 56 does apply. There's also a similarity between the names Darlene and Daphne, where the first two letters and last two letters are the same. So maybe Darlene is Daphne? Which actually makes more sense if you understand the myth, for after she flees Apollo and turns into a laurel tree, Daphne is purportedly whisked off to Crete, where she becomes Pasiphae, the mother of Ariadne (n4:24). And who was Ariadne? But Dionysus' wife! (6).

Darlene / Arlene

46  And so we have Daphne the mother (4) and Ariadne the bride (6), in accord with the woman's mother (46)—or, Sybil (4); where mother and daughter are the same, i.e., Daphne. All of which brings up Arlene in chapter 15 (n21), my first and only real girlfriend in school. Where by adding the letter D, the 4th letter, you get Darlene or, (4)-arlene. Meaning Darlene (4) is the mother of Arlene (6). And, just like above, where the first and last two letters in Darlene and Daphne are the same, the first and last two letters in Arlene and Ariadne are the same. Meaning, Darlene is Daphne (4) and Arlene is Ariadne (6). Wow! And so, Darlene is the mother (4) and Julie is the bride (6).

47  Which makes even more sense when considering Darlene is more the mother type, who gets teased a lot about her kids at work, i.e., those working under her. Also, remember her middle name was May, but was supposed to be Mae? i.e., my mother's middle name (n11). And being the fun loving person she really is, if there's any one person I know, who could be called mother of the Maenads, the worshippers of Dionysus (n15:10), it had to be Darlene! Oh, did I mention Julie's mother's name was Darlene? Wow! Which was something I found out after I had Darlene deliver a copy of this to Julie.

48  Then there's the numbers 43 and 34, which are the two reciprocals or, bookends, in relation to Daphne (43) and Vanessa (34). Where Daphne is the woman herself (43) (n4:49), regarding the bride (6), and Vanessa is the bride (34) (n4:66). There it is again! Darlene is Daphne (43) and Julie is Ariadne! (34). And, Dennis is Dionysus! (33) (n5:12; n6:67). Whereby everyone is joined by means of Jennifer! (44) (n4:32). Oh, did I say Darlene's mother was from Idaho, the 43rd state? (n6:67).

The Number 432

49  Finally there's the number 432, which illustrates the relationship between the woman's will (4) and the heavenly marriage (32) (n18-19), and brings up what I say about Sybil (4), that the woman's will can't be ruled over by itself, except by means of marriage (32) (n4:51). And here the woman develops Jennifer (2) in herself via Cindy, i.e., from 4 to 3 to 2. While according to Joseph Campbell, the number 432 is a very mystical number, and signifies the rhythm of the universe (n4:157). Which serves to portray the vibration between Julie and I over the two years I knew her, from age 41 to 43. Where I first met Julie at age 41, and encounter Sybil (4), and at age 42 encounter Cindy (3), and at age 43 encounter Jennifer (2). Whereby the numbers 41:4, 42:3 and 43:2 apply, hence the number 432—from Sybil (4) to Cindy (3) to Jennifer (2).

50  Indeed Julie was a bit unruly and headstrong at first, and wasn't the easiest person to get along with, just like Sybil (4). In part because she thought she was in charge. And she would run all these ideas by me, about the job or whatever, and expected me to accept what she was saying, hook, line and sinker. And I was supposed to hop up and do something about it, which she found out early on wasn't going to work.

51   But to the degree that she got to know me, and understood I couldn't accept what she had to say, blindly, she found I was more than willing to help, and would do a good job, and she was very pleased afterwards. So at this point we began to develop something more substantial and became friends. What I ascribe to introducing Sybil (4) to Artemis or Cindy (3) which, in effect became Daphne (43), and was highlighted the next year (1998) with the incident with the daphne plant (n13). While later that same year, after a brief layoff, Julie and I began talking about my relationship with Dianne (n16:21). And, although it wasn't that serious, Julie enjoyed talking about it, as if it were, which made our relating seem more personal.

52  While everything culminated in 1999, with the lollipop incident right before Easter (n18-19), where like I said, everything started to click. And here, Julie (43) assumes Jennifer by means of the orange lollipop (2), hence the number 432. While I assume Cindy by means of the lemon lollipop (3), which corresponds to the husband and wife in the celestial relationship (32) (n4:51). It's also illustrated by the numbers 43, 32 and 23 (n4:80; n6:80). And guess what happens when you multiply each digit individually, (4 x 3) x (3 x 2) x (2 x 3), you get 432! Wow! See the pattern?

Ahura Mazda

53  Having completed the main body of Julie Beloved on July 1st, 1999, I emailed a copy of the last update, regarding the number 432 (n48), to Darlene at work. Later that day I went to the bank to make a deposit, which I did, and when I was pulling out of the parking lot, I noticed the license plate on the car next to me, which said, TFJ 650. And I'm thinking, "There's the number 650 again," just like the experience I had on the freeway (n39). Now I already knew what the 650 means (n26), but what did the TFJ mean? Try Fingering Julie? or, Try Firing Julie? neither of which quite fit. While I noticed it was a turquoise colored Mazda Protegé, which is basically greenish (5)-blue (6), which are the bridegroom (5) and bride (6).

54  From the bank I went to Safeway to buy some groceries, which I did. And when I walked out to my car, there it was again, the same car parked next to mine! And while I still wasn't sure about the letters TFJ, I began to wonder about the make of the car, Mazda. For according to Zoroastrianism, it was the supreme lord of heaven, Ahura Mazda, who stood constant vigil over the evil Angra Mainyu, opposer of the Holy Spirit. A major religion of the Middle-East, it was further established by King Cyrus of Persia, from which many of the tenets of Judaism and Christianity sprang, more so the battle of good against evil. While one of its main tenets was purification by fire, thus signifying the holy spirit. Thus if I were to say TFJ means Trial by Fire of Julie, regarding Julie Beloved here, it makes a lot more sense!

The Holy Spirit

55  Indeed it epitomizes the battle between Mike and I above (n32), for it's my contention that everything in this book was made manifest through the holy spirit. Which Mike, through his actions, has chosen to deny. And hey, if I were lying, then I've committed the ultimate blasphemy, and Mike would be right! That's not to say I'm not beyond making mistakes, but rather, we have to be more mindful of our intent, for this determines our sincerity. And it's through our sincerity that the holy spirit engages us and makes itself known. Which is really all I practice, a matter of looking at myself in the way I understand myself to be—honestly—and being receptive to what I see. Which you can try and find fault with if you like but, to the extent that you do, it takes time away from who you are, and those things you need to look at in yourself. So there it is!

15th Ari / Darius

56  As I already said, King Cyrus instituted Zoroastrianism in Persia, in that region. He later conquered Babylon in 539 BC and appointed Darius the Mede his governor. While Cyrus set the Jews free a year later and allowed them to return to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple (n2:7). A task that wasn't completed until the second year in the reign of Darius the Great, the successor and son-in-law of King Cyrus, the second Darius and protegé to Cyrus (n53). Who was equally important to Zoroastrianism, after building the brilliant city temple of Persepolis, about the time the temple was completed in Jerusalem, signifying something similar. And so brings up the following inscription by Darius, "By the grace of Ahura Mazda I delight in what is right; I do not delight in what is false. It is not my desire that the weak should be mistreated by the mighty, nor that the mighty be treated wrongly by the weak. What is right and truthful is my desire." Sound like what I described above?

57  So in many ways Darius the Great was the first Persian king to convert to Zoroastrianism: where Cyrus followed the religion of his ancestors and creeds of his subjects. Which is about right, for the name Darius means, "Who sustains good thought" or, "He who upholds the good," which stems directly from the Zoroastrian credo, "Good thoughts, good words and good deeds." Indeed, the ancient Greek historian Herodotus was quite impressed with the ethics and honesty of the Persians, and their great love of truth. While it's curious that their scriptures were called the sacred Avesta, with its similarity to Vesta, the Roman form of Hestia, the goddess of the hearth or, sacred fire. And here their ceremonial rites were performed around the sacred fire! (n54). Just as Dionysus replaced Hestia! (n14:1), signifying the holy spirit.

Aries K to Mazda Protegé

58  All of which brings up what Dianne (my roommate) said about me in chapter 16 (n35), that I was so damned honest, and ethical, and considered it the finest quality you can find in a man. Which goes to show how close my character is to Darius, as well as Dionysus, and that none of this is a fluke. And so here I've just completed my Julie Beloved page, saying it coincides with this trial by fire—either I'm making it up or I'm not—and to the second advent of the New Church (n1). While I just made the connection to Darius the Great, and the reconstruction of the temple in Jerusalem, hence the second advent of Israel or, Church thereof. And so follows suit with the 13th and 14th Ari's above, Daria and Darlene (n9-12). See the connection to Darius? And all because of the Mazda car in the parking lot. From Aries K (n2) to Mazda Protegé? (n53). Wow!

Spirit of Love

59  The spirit of love is not of this world. It embraces me, and I long for it to do so. I am loyal to it, and it loyal to me, but there are very few of this world who are loyal to either, honestly. And when I go lay down, my chest tightens, my breathing is labored, and I'm completely overwhelmed, and in agony, for being unable to touch the one who has touched me. Albeit the one thing I do know is God loves me, because it is so beautiful!